Any time we as humans decide to put effort into an endeavor, there are a range of possible outcomes. At the extremes, we can succeed or we can fail. But because life isn't always binary, we can “almost fail”, which is really success but not enough. We can “mostly succeed” which is means we accomplished most of what we wanted, but we’re not satisfied with the results. To achieve true success, we need to reach all our goals… enough that we feel proud enough that we want other people to know about it. But perhaps even that is on a scale. Some people might want others to know that they partially succeeded.
There’s a great quote from a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt, that’s often referred to as “the Man in the Arena”:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
The quote makes sense, but it suggests that “success” might be in the attempt when compared to not even trying. So is success defined in the effort or the results? Do they combine to make the spectrum a little wider? Does that mean two possible failure scenarios? Do failing at an endeavor and not even trying in the first place both count as failing in the grand scheme?
If I want to start and run a “successful” company, by Roosevelt’s thinking I would likely be considered to have failed for not even trying… for not stepping into the arena. But some part of me is apparently more frightened of the failure that can come with trying than the failure of not even trying. If I fail while trying… while giving it my all… then in my own mind I am not good enough a person. If I don’t try in the first place, I can console myself by saying that it wasn’t even something I wanted to try in the first place. The failure that comes when you do try hurts me more. So I am afraid to try. And I am one of those cold and timid souls.
But then, it’s not just flat out failure that I’m afraid of. Like I was trying to suggest early on: I believe in a spectrum of failure through success. If I start that company and it exists (I succeed in creating it and making it run), but then it doesn’t do well enough to pay my cost of living, or allow me to hire people to do other parts of running the business, then it won’t feel like a success to me. And going through the effort of starting a company up seems like a lot when it might flounder or fail. And I won’t meet my own expectations. I’ll become disheartened. That’s the domain of mediocrity.
Anything I decide I want to put my mind to is something I expect to do exceedingly well at. I can’t accept mediocrity. So I only try things that I’m pretty sure I’ll do well at. But it has devolved into me not doing much of anything. I find time wasting activities that don’t matter. They just pass time. So I work. I relax. I sleep. I go back to work. There are a couple distractions from that cycle. I spend time with my parents which is nice enough, but really isn’t something that makes life worth living. I spend time with some friends about once a week, and while that makes me happy, it’s not something I can look back on and point to in pride.
I’m smart, and I know I have a lot of potential, but I’m not doing anything with it. So I think I’m failing at life. I’m not even stepping into the arena, and I feel pretty sad… a hole in my heart… when I think about it that way. I know it’s true… but I can’t seem to make a change. I can’t seem to get over the fear of being mediocre; of being average; of being just like 99% of the population.
So how do I convince myself to try? Where do I get the motivation from? And how do I make myself accept the idea of being in the middle of the pack? I’ve been this way for years. If I knew the answer, I think I’d have changed by now.
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