Years ago, maybe almost a decade now, I spent a lot of time and money at a place called Boston Billiard Club in Nashua. One of the defining characteristics of this place was (probably still is) beautiful waitresses in little black dresses. This is probably why I spent so much time and money there. Don't get me wrong... going with friends was fun in it's own right, but I do often lament how much money I spent there.
And of course, I had interest in various waitresses there. I became a regular. They knew me by name, and I'm told that management had a meeting about me and one of my friends who was there with me most of the time, also spending lots of money. Management wanted to make an effort to keep the girls from fighting over who got to have us as customers because we were so well known there... for spending way too much money. When I first hear about it... it felt sort of good to think the waitresses there would fight over having us... but now it seems sort of sad to me that it was about how much money was being spent there.
Anyway, hopefully that lesson got learned.
So there was one waitress there that I was very interested in, and who I of course said nothing to about my interest in her. Okay, so there were several waitresses I was interested in over my time going there, but the story is about this one.
After I stopped going there, and I think at least a year went by, I saw her again. She was working somewhere else, and she remembered me. And she seemed happy to see me. I was there with some relatively new coworkers for lunch, and she was waitressing there. She hugged me and of course my coworkers were amazed and impressed. The icing on the cake was that she gave me her phone number and told me to call her. I talked to her alone for a few minutes there, just to catch up a bit, and found out she was living with her boyfriend.
This is where we'd insert the screeching sound of brakes being applied vigorously.
So I left that day with nothing but confusion. And I never called. I mean... maybe she was interested in hearing from me. And I'm sorry I didn't call for that, but she lived with her boyfriend. That's not something small... that's big. And it was enough to dash any hope I might have held.
Last night, I had a dream with her in it. I don't really remember the dream now, but I remember seeing her in the dream. It's the only thing I do remember. I decided to look her up on facebook to see if maybe she was there. And I found her. And she's married. And she has two kids. Most important though is that in the pictures she posted, she looks really happy.
So I am happy for her. And I know that getting in touch with her now would be bad. The reason I'm writing this blog entry is because I still feel like I lost something... or missed an opportunity somewhere that I'm really unhappy I missed. Sure, none of the circumstances were particularly good. She knew me because I spent money. She was living with her boyfriend. And now she's seemingly happily married. But there was opportunity somewhere in there to at least ask, and I did nothing.
I'm trying to think of any situations like the one years ago that are in my life right now... wondering if maybe there's a chance I should be taking... that I'll look back on and regret if I don't.
Not sure how to wrap this post up. I think it was mostly a means of getting my thoughts in order. I hope it was interesting at least. And I hope this means I learned a lesson, though I somehow doubt it.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Where I want to be in five years (professionally)
My boss (a long time friend) made it a job related task for me to figure out what I expect or hope for myself to be doing in five years professionally speaking. This blog post is going to be my effort at figuring out what my answer to the question is. So if you plan on reading the whole post... I'm sorry for the jumps in thought I'm likely to make.
I don't really know where to start. I mean, people have asked it of me in a general sense, where do I want to be with my life in some period of time. But I don't really have a good answer for those questions either. I usually think about things like being retired early, having a small beach house and a dog to play with, and of course, having enough money to not have to worry about it anymore. I don't want an extravagant life, but I don't want money to be a source of concern or stress either. I just want to live.
With that said, I guess the first and most honest response to where I want to be professionally is that I want to be retired with enough money to live on for the rest of my life. Then I start thinking about how unlikely that is, and really, what employer wants to hear that the employee isn't interested in working at all in five years?
I have to admit that of my software engineering jobs (and really the others as well), this current job is my favorite. I love the people I work with. The work itself is interesting, and I even crack open my laptop at home in my free time now and then to do some work. And I didn't even admit to myself that the pay was important to me before, but now I actually feel like I'm being paid fairly. So this company is one I can see myself still working for in five years, if the general feel of the company stays roughly the same for that long.
I just thought of two more things that might be important to keep in mind. First, I keep calling it a "job" instead of a "career". The difference in meaning is something I should keep in mind. Second, I've never worked for a single company for five years. Companies have gone out of business due to the dot com crash, some just laid off 40 to 60 percent of their employees, and one company fired me because they thought they could get more and better work from someone who didn't have half the experience I had and for less money. Oh well. No worries there. That company was awful. Anyway, I haven't worked at one place for 5 years before. So maybe I just don't have any basis for figuring out what I might expect or hope for in five years at this company.
My boss mentioned a few ideas to try to help me, like becoming the expert in a finer field of software developement, or maybe I want to be a tech lead, or something and have people reporting to me. And I keep coming back to "I don't know".
What about the idea of just seeing where the path leads on its own? Is that a valid option? I'm happy doing what I'm doing now. How can I possibly know what I will be happy doing in five years? "Goals" you say? I already mentioned my goals... to be retired, have a little beach house, and a dog I can befriend. "Professional goals" you say? I still don't know. There's some kind of disconnect. Maybe I'm just not an ambitious person. Maybe that's a good thing... maybe the way I am lends itself well to living in the moment instead of being trapped in the past or lost in the possibilities of the future. Maybe it's a bad thing because it means without an ambition for the future, I don't have enough motivation to accomplish much.
I was hoping that by writing all this stuff down I might find some answers. But I haven't come up with anything so far. I guess I still have lots to think about.
I don't really know where to start. I mean, people have asked it of me in a general sense, where do I want to be with my life in some period of time. But I don't really have a good answer for those questions either. I usually think about things like being retired early, having a small beach house and a dog to play with, and of course, having enough money to not have to worry about it anymore. I don't want an extravagant life, but I don't want money to be a source of concern or stress either. I just want to live.
With that said, I guess the first and most honest response to where I want to be professionally is that I want to be retired with enough money to live on for the rest of my life. Then I start thinking about how unlikely that is, and really, what employer wants to hear that the employee isn't interested in working at all in five years?
I have to admit that of my software engineering jobs (and really the others as well), this current job is my favorite. I love the people I work with. The work itself is interesting, and I even crack open my laptop at home in my free time now and then to do some work. And I didn't even admit to myself that the pay was important to me before, but now I actually feel like I'm being paid fairly. So this company is one I can see myself still working for in five years, if the general feel of the company stays roughly the same for that long.
I just thought of two more things that might be important to keep in mind. First, I keep calling it a "job" instead of a "career". The difference in meaning is something I should keep in mind. Second, I've never worked for a single company for five years. Companies have gone out of business due to the dot com crash, some just laid off 40 to 60 percent of their employees, and one company fired me because they thought they could get more and better work from someone who didn't have half the experience I had and for less money. Oh well. No worries there. That company was awful. Anyway, I haven't worked at one place for 5 years before. So maybe I just don't have any basis for figuring out what I might expect or hope for in five years at this company.
My boss mentioned a few ideas to try to help me, like becoming the expert in a finer field of software developement, or maybe I want to be a tech lead, or something and have people reporting to me. And I keep coming back to "I don't know".
What about the idea of just seeing where the path leads on its own? Is that a valid option? I'm happy doing what I'm doing now. How can I possibly know what I will be happy doing in five years? "Goals" you say? I already mentioned my goals... to be retired, have a little beach house, and a dog I can befriend. "Professional goals" you say? I still don't know. There's some kind of disconnect. Maybe I'm just not an ambitious person. Maybe that's a good thing... maybe the way I am lends itself well to living in the moment instead of being trapped in the past or lost in the possibilities of the future. Maybe it's a bad thing because it means without an ambition for the future, I don't have enough motivation to accomplish much.
I was hoping that by writing all this stuff down I might find some answers. But I haven't come up with anything so far. I guess I still have lots to think about.
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