I've written a lot about Star Wars including in this blog. But it always ends up being overly long to get in all the detail. I'm going to try to do something different. I'm going to try to make it short enough to actually read. Quick Note: I'm ignoring the special editions because the content changes sucked.
Episode 4: A New Hope
Fantastic movie that has me on the edge of my seat for the Trench Run every time even though I've seen the movie 30 or 40 times. My most significant quibble is that the trench run doesn't make sense. Missiles that lock on and then maneuver to the target don't need to be fired at the right time depending on user reflexes. Turning off the targeting computer would mean the missile wouldn't know to turn itself down the shaft. Also, an exhaust port ofr excess heat in space would have to have a medium to carry that heat. So, the exhaust port doesn't make sense. All Lucas had to do is make it into a maintenance tunnel where you can fly maintenance craft into the interior to do work on the power plant in the middle. It's covered by a big door and surrounded by too many defense turrets. Then the rebels need to fly close enough to fire missles such that the missles can't be shot down. They use the Y-Wings first to try to blow the door open, and when they succeed but are shot down for the effort, the X-Wings have to make a desperate effort to get close enough to fire their missiles. Gold squadron tries and fails. Luke ends up being the only one that can evade being shot down well enough to get close enough to fire missiles down the maintenance shaft.
Episode 5: Empire Strikes Back
Fantastic movie that tells a really good set of character growth arcs and shows us that the Empire is actually a threat. My most significant quibble is that the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive was broken when leaving Hoth and they they travelled to another Star System in some unspecified amount of time that is likely a week to a month... but which shold have taken years. If you're travelling slower than the speed of light, and star systems are usually several light years apart at least... it should have taken them years. What Lucas should have done instead is have Han scan for the imperials that got left behind on Hoth and when he detects them, he realizes he can't land and just finish repairs with all the crap that got left behind. So, he finds a capacitor or something from another system on his ship and jury-rigs it to his hyperdrive. He'd have a line like "I think this will get us one short jump and it won't be at our normal speed. We need to find a place to get real repairs." And that would be it.
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi
This is my favorite of Star Wars. It has the most moving set of scenes in all of Star Wars. The confrontation between Luke and Vader on the second Death Star is the best. Just the best. I don't like using the word perfect, but I have a hard time coming up with something wrong with it. The lightsaber fighting choreography conveys the messages well. It changes to match the moment. When Luke loses control because Vader goads him with a threat to his sister... I am sitting here stimming just thinking about it. I love it. And John Williams is put music to this perfectly. It's still my favorite Star Wars music. But even RotJ did something I am not a fan of. When George Lucas first planned it out, Wookiees were going to be the primitive species on the forest moon, and Lucas couldn't get past the idea of it being a primitive species (and Chewbacca was already a thing). So, he invented Ewoks. And Ewoks SHOULD fail against Stormtroopers. It became too implausible. What Lucas should have done is stick with the story of the Empire using Wookiees as slaves which is how we get the story of Han rescuing Chewbacca. There should have been a huge slave labor force of Wookiees on the Forest Moon doing work for the Death Star in orbit. It would obviously be unsafe to keep them up on the station. So, when the rebels get there, they free the wookiees and give them some gear and then wookiees tear apart imperial troops. Way more believable.
Episode 1: Phantom Menace
What Lucas should have done is follow his pattern that he set up with the Story Obi-Wan told in Episode 4. There should have been no Quigon. Obi-Wan should have been a Jedi that had chosen to participate in the war, and most Jedi should have chosen to stay out of it... a monastic order trying not to abuse their power. The war should have been on-going when Episode 1 started, and it should have been about clone rights. The good guys are trying to make the Galactic Republic make slave cloning illegal, and to try to free the existing clones who were slaves. Then the separatists whose economy depends on the slave clones resist. They pump out a huge army of clone soldiers because they're the ones who have that technology. The good guys are like "oh crap... we need a military", and droids are the quickest way to bulk up a fighting force. So, they have living military forces, but it isn't big enough... living military commands big groups of droids as supplemental forces. Obi-Wan runs into Anakin Skywalker who IS a spice freighter pilot (medical uses only of course), and Obi-Wan notices the crazy piloting and finds out Anakin is strong in the Force. He offers to help Anakin learn the ways of the Force and we get to see Anakin having a conversation with Owen... where Owen gets to say he doesn't think his brother should get invovled. Obi-Wan asks Yoda if he will train Anakin and Yoda says no... having a bad feeling about Anakin. Obi-Wan thinks he might be able to train Anakin as well as Yoda, and he starts Anakin's training. Whatever war effort Obi-Wan was helping with at the beginning of the movie comes to a head and he and Anakin go in and save the day
Clone Wars (animated series)
Since the clones and droids are switched for sides, the series can focus on the clone soldiers that the good guys rescued, deprogrammed, and offered freedom to. They are offered help building a life, or they can join the Galactic Republic military to help rescue their fellow clones. Many choose to fight, and we get to have a bunch of the same basic stories we got. The Jedi aren't a military organization though and they don't command military groups. They are just a rare thing. We see Jedi like Obi-Wan and Anakin helping where they can. Maybe it's even that Obi-Wan and Anakin offer help to a particular clone unit and we follow the grouping. And Obi-Wan is having trouble with the recklessness of his student. An opportunity presents itself when they find Ahsoka. Obi-Wan suggests that Ahsoka be his student rather than Obi-Wan's saying that understanding becomes much deeper when you have to help someone else understand... so it's a way to continue Anakin's training. But really, Obi-Wan is hoping that having responsibility for another person might temper Anakin a bit.
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones
What this should have been... The fighting intensifies in the Clone Wars. There's a world being fought over that is particularly full of casualties. Senator Bail Organa wants to see the front line for himself. He wants a resolution and isn't sure what to push for in the senate. We don't get boring scenes in the senate... we're just told it's there. Bail Organa's personal pilot is Padme Amidala... a Force Sensitive woman who has been able to keep Bail safe in the sky for a long while. Anakin immediately falls for Padme and she is interested in him too. When Anakin asks her to join the small group of Jedi to learn to use her abilities, she's interested, but won't give up her work with the senator. She believes in that work too much as he's trying to affect the war from a high level and it has potential to save a lot of people that way. But during their time there, Anakin and Padme spend a lot of time together. She is learning a few simple things to improve her control, but really it's just fundamentals. The story progresses as the good guys lose that star system to the separatists... so it can act as the effective Empire Strikes Back of the prequel trilogy.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
We see that Anakin is getting frustrated with his slow progress. He's powerful, but not skilled. He's too rash, and not controlling himself well enough. Padme (maybe in a communication) is separating from Anakin emotionally and she doesn't tell him she's pregnant. I haven't fleshed out all the details yet, but this is the movie where the Sith are discovered, and maybe Anakin sees how strong they are giving in to their emotions, and feels a taste of it, and maybe Anakin catches Padme talking to Obi-Wan and he assumes the worst, and maybe he finds out Padme is pregnant and thinks he's been betrayed by his closest friends. Palpatine has heard of Anakin before due to his efforts in the war, and hears rumor of Anakin being emotional... Anakin is already upset and wants more power... Palpatine just has to say that he'll show Anakin a path to power that the Jedi don't understand, and when it works, Anakin goes to confront Obi-Wan... and we get our big fight between the two friends. As the closing details of the movie, Padme is giving birth to Luke and Leia, and she lives through it just fine. That way there is room for Leia to not be making things up when she says in Return of the Jedi that she remembers her mother a little. Maybe we even get another cartoon series between Episode 3 and Episode 4 that gives us a bit of the story of how Luke and Leia get separated in a way that makes sense... like Vader hunting down the Jedi and also occasionally putting his attention pestering Padme. Obi-Wan ends up taking Luke to protect him because he has the stronger connection to the Force already and Vader can more easily sense him. Leia stays with Padme on Alderaan. Luke goes to family on Tatooine which hides his signature in the Force because Vader can't separate it from his own history there. Padme hates being separated from her son, but it seems to be working. Maybe Vader is even involved in Padme's death when Leia is 5 or 6 so she has those memories.
Episode 7: The Force Awakens
Most of the prequels and sequels should be renamed in addition to changing them completely. Anyway, what we should have gotten for Episode 7 is opening with a familiar view of Yavin IV from space, and the obligatory space ship that opens so much of Star Wars. It's the Millennium Falcon, right off the bat. It enters the atmosphere and heads toward a familiar area of ancient temples, but we see that there has been a fair amount of development such that there's a good sized town. The Falcon lands at a pad, and the music carries us to the ramp opening for us to see Leia, Han, and Chewy walking off the ship. Cut to Luke with some new faces on the edge of the Landing pad, and they're all smiling as they start approaching the Falcon and its disembarking passengers. Smiles, hugs, and greetings. We hear Ben Solo saying "hi mom" and "hi dad" to Leia and Han. Rey says "hi uncle Han" and "hi aunt Leia". Mara Jade is there with Luke and she part of the greetings too, but there's no convenient introduction yet. It's a family reunion and we get the impression that Luke and Mara have things running pretty smoothly at the Jedi Academy. We learn that Luke has learned from the past (and from the Force ghosts of Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin) to make the Jedi different than they were before. They're still monastic (as they were in my version of the prequels), but instead of retreating from the galaxy in an effort to avoid abusing their powers, they participate in community (NOT government) to help where there is need. But Leia is there partly to ask Luke if he and the Jedi can help with something. Republic intelligence has discovered a growing threat. Maybe it's Thrawn... just adjusted in time from the original Thrawn trilogy. Thrawn has been working quietly for 20+ years to re-build imperial military strength. Luke seems dubious about pushing any of his Jedi into a military role, but Leia is determined and points out that the Jedi could help stop this from becoming too big a thing if they act now. Rey and Ben are eager to join in. We get our introduction to the new characters. Leia has a team already assembled to check out a lead that might benefit from having a couple Jedi along. Luke picks a couple of his more experienced Jedi Knights and asks Rey and Ben to stay behind. They of course hide away on the ship and come along. The old gang is there mostly to supervise at their age. Whatever planet they head to, to check out the lead, we get our adventure story. Poe is one of the pilots on the team, and we get to see him being an insanely good pilot. Finn can still be a bad guy that wakes up and decides to defect. And we get introduced to a new Sith Order or maybe the Knights of Ren or whatever. They are Force users with the classic Red (and maybe orange and purple) lightsabers. The experienced Jedi Knights likely fall in battle while Rey and Ben escape back to Luke and Leia. Luke and Leia pretty easily scare off the dark Force users and Luke reluctantly says something like, "I think it's time to change your training... dark things are coming... and you'll need to be ready." The awakening of the Force is the return of conflict the Force will play a role in, I guess.
Episode 8: Thrawn's Empire
Yeah, the existing name is and was dumb. Episode 8 is by a good margin the worst of all of Star Wars. Rian Johnson makes me angry. So since I've switched to just saying what they should have done, this should be the episode where the New Republic gets its first taste of an Empire that uses good strategy and tactics instead of sheer size and numbers. Thrawn attacks ship yards and other sources of important resources for the New Republic. He uses old Star Destroyer fleets to make hit and run attacks, and uses troops supplemented with Force users when a finer scalpel is needed. The New Republic has a big military, but it's spread out to protect the various member worlds and doesn't have resources to focus well on Thrawn or to go on the offensive. It's kind a of a reverse of the Rebellion versus the Empire. Luke and the Jedi get more involved, especially in trying to counter the dark Force users. New Republic worlds are getting nervous because Thrawn seems to be having too much success. And as the middle episode, the bad guys are shown to be doing well and to be a genuine threat. Ben Solo and Rey Skywalker are getting more combat oriented training along with the other Jedi. The big battle at the end of this movie might be where New Republic intelligence finds word of Thrawn's next big attack, so they send lots of resources there, and of course it's a trap... Thrawn leaked the information and he very nearly wipes out the entire group the New Republic sent. The main characters along with a few others barely escape.
Episode 9: Legacy of Skywalker
Anakin Skywalker's grandkids feature in this. Since the numbered Star Wars episodes are supposed to be the story of Anakin Skywalker, we'll cap it off with Rey and Ben being the featured players in this endcap of the story. Along with Poe and Finn, the descendents of Anakin Skywalker take on Thrawn in a big climactic encounter. Big space battle, and big melee combat with lightsabers and blasters. Thrawn almost wins, but an act of sheer will from the good guy Force users accomplish something Thrawn couldn't have accounted for in his plans. He acknowledges defeat, and disappears in an explosion or dies calmly on the end of a lightsaber. We get a final scene which is another family reunion. The original trilogy heroes are sitting at a table watching the new generation of people having their own animated and happy conversation off a small way. Han, Chewbacca, Leia, Luke, Mara, and maybe Lando sit there and someone something along the lines of, "I wonder if we'll ever have a time when there's no danger to deal with". Some conversation about how there's always a new danger. Luke gets the final line of the movie and says something like, "We're ready when that next thing shows itself. More importantly, they're ready. The story will go on." Luke is of course nodding toward the kids. It's the indication that the Anakin Skywalker story is done but that there is more new story to tell.
Han Solo: A Star Wars story
This should have been one of the new live action shows. They tried to cram too much story into one movie. There's so much material there. We should have gotten a season or two. It should have started with Han already having joined the Empire. Maybe the first episode is how Han is helping to set up an operating base, and there is Wookiee slave labor. Han can't accept it, and he ends up freeing them, and helping them escape... effectively quitting the Empire. When they get back to Kashyyyk, Chewbacca takes on the burden of the life debt and swears to accompany and protect Han. Han isn't sure what to do, but knows he has to stay away from imperial space. The Wookiees give them a small shuttle, and Han and Chewy take off looking for their path. Looking for work, the series continues with how Han meets Lando and gambles with him. It includes how he got involved with Jabba the Hutt. And the series could end with the episode where Han is trying a big smuggling run for Jabba and gets boarded by an imperial patrol so he has to dump the cargo.
Rogue One: A Star Wars story
This should also have been one of the new live action shows, a lot more like Andor (yes, I know Cassian comes from Rogue One). It should have been the spy-story of rebel leadership learning of the Death Star, and sending people to try to get information about it. The weakness should NOT have been built in intentionally and the engineer shouldn't have relegated his daughter to a suicide mission. Probably a one season show. And it should have included telling us why the information, once obtained, couldn't just be sent by long range transmission. We know they have the bandwidth and speed to do full holographic image and voice communication in real-time between star systems... so... the data should have been sendable. Maybe the data they stole is on a USB drive essentially, but it's proprietary imperial stuff that is encrypted and the storage medium doesn't allow the contents to be copied anywhere without the right code. So, the good guys have this physical thing they need to bring to a rebel base. They successfully steal it midway through the series, and then Vader is assigned to hunt them down. This way, we get some awesome stuff with close calls with Darth Vader AND we get the impression that Vader has been hunting the plans for a while (like they imply in Episode 4). The immediate transition from the actual Rogue One movie of escaping the planet to Vader in pursuit with a Star Destroyer doesn't line up with what is said in Episode. So, this way, the rebel spies who stole the plans get in touch with rebel leadership, and they hatch a plan. If Leia, as a representative in the Senate (at least as a senate aid to her adopted father), goes to some planet in an official diplomatic capacity, the spied can pass off the physical plans to her. She's also given the task of asking Obi-Wan for help and to bring him back to the rebel base if possible. This is the last episode of the show. We end with the hand-off, and Vader realizing the hand-off has occurred, so he chases Leia's ship...
Mando-verse stuff
For me, Mandalorian, Book of Boba Fett, and Ahsoka are about half-good and half-bad. Book of Boba Fett was just terrible. It didn't focus on Boba Fett and didn't come up with a good story for him. It included Luke/Grogu stuff that was awful... just... a terrible choice for Luke's character... he's an overconfident person who makes the same moves as the broken Jedi instead of a person trying hard to learn and do better. Awful. And then for some reason we get more Din Djarin's story without it being support for Boba Fett's story. Just awful flailing. Anyway, the Mandalorian show does okay overall. I like the Grogu character well enough, but it adds needs to the story that I'm a little sad about. Yoda was supposed to be a mystery and have it stay that way. I didn't really want to open that door. It was perfect as-is. But the Grogu/Din relationship is good and told well... so... yeah... I'm okay with Grogu and the Mandalorian story. I feel like later seasons got scattered a bit and didn't know what it wanted to be... but I'm okay with it. Ahsoka... uh... I don't know. Some of the small scale content was cool. But the planning for the story. Why do we need to include other galaxies? It is one of my problems with the Yuzahn Vong... Galaxies are so big... there's no reason to spill over into other galaxies. And this version of Thrawn is okay, but in 8(?) episodes they managed to make very little progress. It feels like they used the Seinfeld approach to a show. A show about nothing. And honestly, Ahsoka is too over-confident too. Her departure from the Jedi Order should have left her questioning everything. Should have made her a person who doesn't assume her stance is the best one. Her characterization in the Mandalorian is the same. Like she thinks she has all the answers. I want to see that hopeful spunky person tempered with uncertainty. She always wanted to be involved and to help people. When Grogu came around, I wanted Ahsoka to react differently. Maybe her reaction and saying she won't help because she doesn't think she is the right person because she doesn't know what she's doing. Less of a confident "the Force tells me Grogu should go find Luke", and more of a "I'm not good enough to be his teacher" kind of reaction. Oh... also... Sabine Wren shouldn't have been made Force-Sensitive at all. She's an awesome character without it. Eh... anyway... I don't have a specific plan in mind for how to change _all_ of this, but I have issues with it.
Andor
I like that this didn't include Force users. I like the deep character story and the extra background on the rebellion forming. I think Cassian's motivations in a few places followed by the choices he made in the story didn't make logical sense, but overall I liked the show. I also really disliked how over-powered the older behind-the-scenes guy who's name I can't recall had a ship that was so powerful. Like... how did that happen? Why can his little ship do so much more than any other ship? Eh.
Kenobi
I really like Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan. Possibly the best thing that came out of the prequels. And I like the Obi-Wan is a bit disillusioned... but... I think it was odd to invent a story about something that happened to Leia. Maybe this could have been better as a story called "The Twins". We get two stories in each episode, one focused on Luke, and one focused on Leia. We see Kenobi in the Luke stories and we see Bail Organa in the Leia stories. And in my version of the prequels, if it's while the kids are 5 or 6 years old... Padme is part of it. So, it's Padme and Leia and we get to see more of Leia's upbringing. And with Obi-Wan and Luke, we see Luke being a farmboy and having run-ins with the Tuskens and we see Owen pushing Ben away... thinking he might be able to save Luke from following Anakin's path. And at the end of the first season, we see Padme pass away and that information is here instead of the other place I put it. Whatever. I liked seeing Kenobi. I just think the framework for the story could have been better.
Wrap-Up
I think that's all I've got for now. Yes... that's succinct compared to the rest I've written.
