Showing posts with label Star Wars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Star Wars. Show all posts

Monday, October 16, 2023

Succinct Review of Star Wars

I've written a lot about Star Wars including in this blog. But it always ends up being overly long to get in all the detail. I'm going to try to do something different. I'm going to try to make it short enough to actually read. Quick Note: I'm ignoring the special editions because the content changes sucked.

Episode 4: A New Hope

Fantastic movie that has me on the edge of my seat for the Trench Run every time even though I've seen the movie 30 or 40 times. My most significant quibble is that the trench run doesn't make sense. Missiles that lock on and then maneuver to the target don't need to be fired at the right time depending on user reflexes. Turning off the targeting computer would mean the missile wouldn't know to turn itself down the shaft. Also, an exhaust port ofr excess heat in space would have to have a medium to carry that heat. So, the exhaust port doesn't make sense. All Lucas had to do is make it into a maintenance tunnel where you can fly maintenance craft into the interior to do work on the power plant in the middle. It's covered by a big door and surrounded by too many defense turrets. Then the rebels need to fly close enough to fire missles such that the missles can't be shot down. They use the Y-Wings first to try to blow the door open, and when they succeed but are shot down for the effort, the X-Wings have to make a desperate effort to get close enough to fire their missiles. Gold squadron tries and fails. Luke ends up being the only one that can evade being shot down well enough to get close enough to fire missiles down the maintenance shaft.

Episode 5: Empire Strikes Back

Fantastic movie that tells a really good set of character growth arcs and shows us that the Empire is actually a threat. My most significant quibble is that the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive was broken when leaving Hoth and they they travelled to another Star System in some unspecified amount of time that is likely a week to a month... but which shold have taken years. If you're travelling slower than the speed of light, and star systems are usually several light years apart at least... it should have taken them years. What Lucas should have done instead is have Han scan for the imperials that got left behind on Hoth and when he detects them, he realizes he can't land and just finish repairs with all the crap that got left behind. So, he finds a capacitor or something from another system on his ship and jury-rigs it to his hyperdrive. He'd have a line like "I think this will get us one short jump and it won't be at our normal speed. We need to find a place to get real repairs." And that would be it.

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

This is my favorite of Star Wars. It has the most moving set of scenes in all of Star Wars. The confrontation between Luke and Vader on the second Death Star is the best. Just the best. I don't like using the word perfect, but I have a hard time coming up with something wrong with it. The lightsaber fighting choreography conveys the messages well. It changes to match the moment. When Luke loses control because Vader goads him with a threat to his sister... I am sitting here stimming just thinking about it. I love it. And John Williams is put music to this perfectly. It's still my favorite Star Wars music. But even RotJ did something I am not a fan of. When George Lucas first planned it out, Wookiees were going to be the primitive species on the forest moon, and Lucas couldn't get past the idea of it being a primitive species (and Chewbacca was already a thing). So, he invented Ewoks. And Ewoks SHOULD fail against Stormtroopers. It became too implausible. What Lucas should have done is stick with the story of the Empire using Wookiees as slaves which is how we get the story of Han rescuing Chewbacca. There should have been a huge slave labor force of Wookiees on the Forest Moon doing work for the Death Star in orbit. It would obviously be unsafe to keep them up on the station. So, when the rebels get there, they free the wookiees and give them some gear and then wookiees tear apart imperial troops. Way more believable.

Episode 1: Phantom Menace

What Lucas should have done is follow his pattern that he set up with the Story Obi-Wan told in Episode 4. There should have been no Quigon. Obi-Wan should have been a Jedi that had chosen to participate in the war, and most Jedi should have chosen to stay out of it... a monastic order trying not to abuse their power. The war should have been on-going when Episode 1 started, and it should have been about clone rights. The good guys are trying to make the Galactic Republic make slave cloning illegal, and to try to free the existing clones who were slaves. Then the separatists whose economy depends on the slave clones resist. They pump out a huge army of clone soldiers because they're the ones who have that technology. The good guys are like "oh crap... we need a military", and droids are the quickest way to bulk up a fighting force. So, they have living military forces, but it isn't big enough... living military commands big groups of droids as supplemental forces. Obi-Wan runs into Anakin Skywalker who IS a spice freighter pilot (medical uses only of course), and Obi-Wan notices the crazy piloting and finds out Anakin is strong in the Force. He offers to help Anakin learn the ways of the Force and we get to see Anakin having a conversation with Owen... where Owen gets to say he doesn't think his brother should get invovled. Obi-Wan asks Yoda if he will train Anakin and Yoda says no... having a bad feeling about Anakin. Obi-Wan thinks he might be able to train Anakin as well as Yoda, and he starts Anakin's training. Whatever war effort Obi-Wan was helping with at the beginning of the movie comes to a head and he and Anakin go in and save the day

Clone Wars (animated series)

Since the clones and droids are switched for sides, the series can focus on the clone soldiers that the good guys rescued, deprogrammed, and offered freedom to. They are offered help building a life, or they can join the Galactic Republic military to help rescue their fellow clones. Many choose to fight, and we get to have a bunch of the same basic stories we got. The Jedi aren't a military organization though and they don't command military groups. They are just a rare thing. We see Jedi like Obi-Wan and Anakin helping where they can. Maybe it's even that Obi-Wan and Anakin offer help to a particular clone unit and we follow the grouping. And Obi-Wan is having trouble with the recklessness of his student. An opportunity presents itself when they find Ahsoka. Obi-Wan suggests that Ahsoka be his student rather than Obi-Wan's saying that understanding becomes much deeper when you have to help someone else understand... so it's a way to continue Anakin's training. But really, Obi-Wan is hoping that having responsibility for another person might temper Anakin a bit.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones

What this should have been... The fighting intensifies in the Clone Wars. There's a world being fought over that is particularly full of casualties. Senator Bail Organa wants to see the front line for himself. He wants a resolution and isn't sure what to push for in the senate. We don't get boring scenes in the senate... we're just told it's there. Bail Organa's personal pilot is Padme Amidala... a Force Sensitive woman who has been able to keep Bail safe in the sky for a long while. Anakin immediately falls for Padme and she is interested in him too. When Anakin asks her to join the small group of Jedi to learn to use her abilities, she's interested, but won't give up her work with the senator. She believes in that work too much as he's trying to affect the war from a high level and it has potential to save a lot of people that way. But during their time there, Anakin and Padme spend a lot of time together. She is learning a few simple things to improve her control, but really it's just fundamentals. The story progresses as the good guys lose that star system to the separatists... so it can act as the effective Empire Strikes Back of the prequel trilogy.

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith

We see that Anakin is getting frustrated with his slow progress. He's powerful, but not skilled. He's too rash, and not controlling himself well enough. Padme (maybe in a communication) is separating from Anakin emotionally and she doesn't tell him she's pregnant. I haven't fleshed out all the details yet, but this is the movie where the Sith are discovered, and maybe Anakin sees how strong they are giving in to their emotions, and feels a taste of it, and maybe Anakin catches Padme talking to Obi-Wan and he assumes the worst, and maybe he finds out Padme is pregnant and thinks he's been betrayed by his closest friends. Palpatine has heard of Anakin before due to his efforts in the war, and hears rumor of Anakin being emotional... Anakin is already upset and wants more power... Palpatine just has to say that he'll show Anakin a path to power that the Jedi don't understand, and when it works, Anakin goes to confront Obi-Wan... and we get our big fight between the two friends. As the closing details of the movie, Padme is giving birth to Luke and Leia, and she lives through it just fine. That way there is room for Leia to not be making things up when she says in Return of the Jedi that she remembers her mother a little. Maybe we even get another cartoon series between Episode 3 and Episode 4 that gives us a bit of the story of how Luke and Leia get separated in a way that makes sense... like Vader hunting down the Jedi and also occasionally putting his attention pestering Padme. Obi-Wan ends up taking Luke to protect him because he has the stronger connection to the Force already and Vader can more easily sense him. Leia stays with Padme on Alderaan. Luke goes to family on Tatooine which hides his signature in the Force because Vader can't separate it from his own history there. Padme hates being separated from her son, but it seems to be working. Maybe Vader is even involved in Padme's death when Leia is 5 or 6 so she has those memories.

Episode 7: The Force Awakens

Most of the prequels and sequels should be renamed in addition to changing them completely. Anyway, what we should have gotten for Episode 7 is opening with a familiar view of Yavin IV from space, and the obligatory space ship that opens so much of Star Wars. It's the Millennium Falcon, right off the bat. It enters the atmosphere and heads toward a familiar area of ancient temples, but we see that there has been a fair amount of development such that there's a good sized town. The Falcon lands at a pad, and the music carries us to the ramp opening for us to see Leia, Han, and Chewy walking off the ship. Cut to Luke with some new faces on the edge of the Landing pad, and they're all smiling as they start approaching the Falcon and its disembarking passengers. Smiles, hugs, and greetings. We hear Ben Solo saying "hi mom" and "hi dad" to Leia and Han. Rey says "hi uncle Han" and "hi aunt Leia". Mara Jade is there with Luke and she part of the greetings too, but there's no convenient introduction yet. It's a family reunion and we get the impression that Luke and Mara have things running pretty smoothly at the Jedi Academy. We learn that Luke has learned from the past (and from the Force ghosts of Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin) to make the Jedi different than they were before. They're still monastic (as they were in my version of the prequels), but instead of retreating from the galaxy in an effort to avoid abusing their powers, they participate in community (NOT government) to help where there is need. But Leia is there partly to ask Luke if he and the Jedi can help with something. Republic intelligence has discovered a growing threat. Maybe it's Thrawn... just adjusted in time from the original Thrawn trilogy. Thrawn has been working quietly for 20+ years to re-build imperial military strength. Luke seems dubious about pushing any of his Jedi into a military role, but Leia is determined and points out that the Jedi could help stop this from becoming too big a thing if they act now. Rey and Ben are eager to join in. We get our introduction to the new characters. Leia has a team already assembled to check out a lead that might benefit from having a couple Jedi along. Luke picks a couple of his more experienced Jedi Knights and asks Rey and Ben to stay behind. They of course hide away on the ship and come along. The old gang is there mostly to supervise at their age. Whatever planet they head to, to check out the lead, we get our adventure story. Poe is one of the pilots on the team, and we get to see him being an insanely good pilot. Finn can still be a bad guy that wakes up and decides to defect. And we get introduced to a new Sith Order or maybe the Knights of Ren or whatever. They are Force users with the classic Red (and maybe orange and purple) lightsabers. The experienced Jedi Knights likely fall in battle while Rey and Ben escape back to Luke and Leia. Luke and Leia pretty easily scare off the dark Force users and Luke reluctantly says something like, "I think it's time to change your training... dark things are coming... and you'll need to be ready." The awakening of the Force is the return of conflict the Force will play a role in, I guess.

Episode 8: Thrawn's Empire

Yeah, the existing name is and was dumb. Episode 8 is by a good margin the worst of all of Star Wars. Rian Johnson makes me angry. So since I've switched to just saying what they should have done, this should be the episode where the New Republic gets its first taste of an Empire that uses good strategy and tactics instead of sheer size and numbers. Thrawn attacks ship yards and other sources of important resources for the New Republic. He uses old Star Destroyer fleets to make hit and run attacks, and uses troops supplemented with Force users when a finer scalpel is needed. The New Republic has a big military, but it's spread out to protect the various member worlds and doesn't have resources to focus well on Thrawn or to go on the offensive. It's kind a of a reverse of the Rebellion versus the Empire. Luke and the Jedi get more involved, especially in trying to counter the dark Force users. New Republic worlds are getting nervous because Thrawn seems to be having too much success. And as the middle episode, the bad guys are shown to be doing well and to be a genuine threat. Ben Solo and Rey Skywalker are getting more combat oriented training along with the other Jedi. The big battle at the end of this movie might be where New Republic intelligence finds word of Thrawn's next big attack, so they send lots of resources there, and of course it's a trap... Thrawn leaked the information and he very nearly wipes out the entire group the New Republic sent. The main characters along with a few others barely escape.

Episode 9: Legacy of Skywalker

Anakin Skywalker's grandkids feature in this. Since the numbered Star Wars episodes are supposed to be the story of Anakin Skywalker, we'll cap it off with Rey and Ben being the featured players in this endcap of the story. Along with Poe and Finn, the descendents of Anakin Skywalker take on Thrawn in a big climactic encounter. Big space battle, and big melee combat with lightsabers and blasters. Thrawn almost wins, but an act of sheer will from the good guy Force users accomplish something Thrawn couldn't have accounted for in his plans. He acknowledges defeat, and disappears in an explosion or dies calmly on the end of a lightsaber. We get a final scene which is another family reunion. The original trilogy heroes are sitting at a table watching the new generation of people having their own animated and happy conversation off a small way. Han, Chewbacca, Leia, Luke, Mara, and maybe Lando sit there and someone something along the lines of, "I wonder if we'll ever have a time when there's no danger to deal with". Some conversation about how there's always a new danger. Luke gets the final line of the movie and says something like, "We're ready when that next thing shows itself. More importantly, they're ready. The story will go on." Luke is of course nodding toward the kids. It's the indication that the Anakin Skywalker story is done but that there is more new story to tell.

Han Solo: A Star Wars story

This should have been one of the new live action shows. They tried to cram too much story into one movie. There's so much material there. We should have gotten a season or two. It should have started with Han already having joined the Empire. Maybe the first episode is how Han is helping to set up an operating base, and there is Wookiee slave labor. Han can't accept it, and he ends up freeing them, and helping them escape... effectively quitting the Empire. When they get back to Kashyyyk, Chewbacca takes on the burden of the life debt and swears to accompany and protect Han. Han isn't sure what to do, but knows he has to stay away from imperial space. The Wookiees give them a small shuttle, and Han and Chewy take off looking for their path. Looking for work, the series continues with how Han meets Lando and gambles with him. It includes how he got involved with Jabba the Hutt. And the series could end with the episode where Han is trying a big smuggling run for Jabba and gets boarded by an imperial patrol so he has to dump the cargo.

Rogue One: A Star Wars story

This should also have been one of the new live action shows, a lot more like Andor (yes, I know Cassian comes from Rogue One). It should have been the spy-story of rebel leadership learning of the Death Star, and sending people to try to get information about it. The weakness should NOT have been built in intentionally and the engineer shouldn't have relegated his daughter to a suicide mission. Probably a one season show. And it should have included telling us why the information, once obtained, couldn't just be sent by long range transmission. We know they have the bandwidth and speed to do full holographic image and voice communication in real-time between star systems... so... the data should have been sendable. Maybe the data they stole is on a USB drive essentially, but it's proprietary imperial stuff that is encrypted and the storage medium doesn't allow the contents to be copied anywhere without the right code. So, the good guys have this physical thing they need to bring to a rebel base. They successfully steal it midway through the series, and then Vader is assigned to hunt them down. This way, we get some awesome stuff with close calls with Darth Vader AND we get the impression that Vader has been hunting the plans for a while (like they imply in Episode 4). The immediate transition from the actual Rogue One movie of escaping the planet to Vader in pursuit with a Star Destroyer doesn't line up with what is said in Episode. So, this way, the rebel spies who stole the plans get in touch with rebel leadership, and they hatch a plan. If Leia, as a representative in the Senate (at least as a senate aid to her adopted father), goes to some planet in an official diplomatic capacity, the spied can pass off the physical plans to her. She's also given the task of asking Obi-Wan for help and to bring him back to the rebel base if possible. This is the last episode of the show. We end with the hand-off, and Vader realizing the hand-off has occurred, so he chases Leia's ship...

Mando-verse stuff

For me, Mandalorian, Book of Boba Fett, and Ahsoka are about half-good and half-bad. Book of Boba Fett was just terrible. It didn't focus on Boba Fett and didn't come up with a good story for him. It included Luke/Grogu stuff that was awful... just... a terrible choice for Luke's character... he's an overconfident person who makes the same moves as the broken Jedi instead of a person trying hard to learn and do better. Awful. And then for some reason we get more Din Djarin's story without it being support for Boba Fett's story. Just awful flailing. Anyway, the Mandalorian show does okay overall. I like the Grogu character well enough, but it adds needs to the story that I'm a little sad about. Yoda was supposed to be a mystery and have it stay that way. I didn't really want to open that door. It was perfect as-is. But the Grogu/Din relationship is good and told well... so... yeah... I'm okay with Grogu and the Mandalorian story. I feel like later seasons got scattered a bit and didn't know what it wanted to be... but I'm okay with it. Ahsoka... uh... I don't know. Some of the small scale content was cool. But the planning for the story. Why do we need to include other galaxies? It is one of my problems with the Yuzahn Vong... Galaxies are so big... there's no reason to spill over into other galaxies. And this version of Thrawn is okay, but in 8(?) episodes they managed to make very little progress. It feels like they used the Seinfeld approach to a show. A show about nothing. And honestly, Ahsoka is too over-confident too. Her departure from the Jedi Order should have left her questioning everything. Should have made her a person who doesn't assume her stance is the best one. Her characterization in the Mandalorian is the same. Like she thinks she has all the answers. I want to see that hopeful spunky person tempered with uncertainty. She always wanted to be involved and to help people. When Grogu came around, I wanted Ahsoka to react differently. Maybe her reaction and saying she won't help because she doesn't think she is the right person because she doesn't know what she's doing. Less of a confident "the Force tells me Grogu should go find Luke", and more of a "I'm not good enough to be his teacher" kind of reaction. Oh... also... Sabine Wren shouldn't have been made Force-Sensitive at all. She's an awesome character without it. Eh... anyway... I don't have a specific plan in mind for how to change _all_ of this, but I have issues with it.

Andor

I like that this didn't include Force users. I like the deep character story and the extra background on the rebellion forming. I think Cassian's motivations in a few places followed by the choices he made in the story didn't make logical sense, but overall I liked the show. I also really disliked how over-powered the older behind-the-scenes guy who's name I can't recall had a ship that was so powerful. Like... how did that happen? Why can his little ship do so much more than any other ship? Eh.

Kenobi

I really like Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan. Possibly the best thing that came out of the prequels. And I like the Obi-Wan is a bit disillusioned... but... I think it was odd to invent a story about something that happened to Leia. Maybe this could have been better as a story called "The Twins". We get two stories in each episode, one focused on Luke, and one focused on Leia. We see Kenobi in the Luke stories and we see Bail Organa in the Leia stories. And in my version of the prequels, if it's while the kids are 5 or 6 years old... Padme is part of it. So, it's Padme and Leia and we get to see more of Leia's upbringing. And with Obi-Wan and Luke, we see Luke being a farmboy and having run-ins with the Tuskens and we see Owen pushing Ben away... thinking he might be able to save Luke from following Anakin's path. And at the end of the first season, we see Padme pass away and that information is here instead of the other place I put it. Whatever. I liked seeing Kenobi. I just think the framework for the story could have been better.

Wrap-Up

I think that's all I've got for now. Yes... that's succinct compared to the rest I've written.

Thursday, February 2, 2023

Finally watched Star Wars: The Clone Wars

 I'm a big fan of the original trilogy of Star Wars.  I enjoy a fair amount of the Extended Universe novels.  I like what some of the video games bring to the table.  I like The Mandalorian series, and love the season 2 finale.

The Han Solo movie should have been a series.  They crammed way too much of his story into a movie.  It could have easily been a limited series, nicely ending with the story of how Han got in trouble with Jabba.  I guess the movie was okay.  Just disappointing.  And Rogue One... well... it had pretty good characters that made me like them, and I admit I enjoyed seeing Darth Vader cut loose, but the idea that the weakness had to be designed in and that the dad assigned his daughter the task and fate instead of just sending the information to the active rebels is weak.  I also don't like how it bled directly into the beginning of Episode 4.  When you watch Episode 4, the impression they give is that Darth Vader has been hunting the plans for a while... not one day.

I very much dislike the Prequel Trilogy.  I dislike the Sequels too, especially episode 8 which harmed the setting and characters I love.  I dislike the Book of Boba Fett series for having very little to do with Boba Fett and for portraying Luke Skywalker in a stupid way.  I should add too that I don't like how Ahsoka Tano is written in The Mandalorian or Book of Boba Fett.

That's my setting of expectations so you know where I'm coming from in my review of The Clone Wars series.  I don't think I can avoid spoilers, so I'll give the short review quickly here.  There's a lot of illogical junk in the series as well as weird decisions made by the writers in some places, but they do manage to tell some good stories in there.  And they do end it well.  I'm glad I watched the whole thing.

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

New Star Wars Prequels Mistake In My Opinion

 Most of the time these days when I complain about something in Star Wars it centers on the sequel trilogy.  Especially Episode 8, where Rian Johnson gleefully tore apart the setting like it was his job.  Oof, I have to be careful not to start ranting about how much Episode 8 sucks again.  No, this time I'm going to point a finger back at George Lucas for messing up the prequels.  And I think I might have a new angle to complain about them from.

I'll start with the old angles.  Lucas wanted the movies to be children's movies, so he made them revolve around convoluted political plots, which is a good start.  The political plots not making any sense is another.  The waste of time meeting Anakin as a child instead of as a functioning adult who was a great pilot and a cunning warrior.  The stupid romance between Anakin and Padme that made zero sense (especially that stupid scene in the field with the cow creatures).  The 417 minute lightsaber fight swinging on ropes over lava that SHOULD have been one of the most emotionally engaging scenes in the entire setting.  The strange use of Jedi as generals in a military (aren't they supposed to be mystic monks closer to diplomats than military commanders?  Why are jedi government agents?).  The odd moment where Darth Sidious decides his apprentice should attack the jedi for no gain, but losing any secrecy he had.  The useless character of Qui Gon Jinn who is supposed to be the maverick that is a better example of what a jedi should be, but who is totally comfortable with using his power to cheat and steal.  The pointless waste of time with the pod races (seriously... we only get a small number of the numbered episodes of Star Wars and this is what we wasted it on?).  The hard to believe motivation for Anakin falling to the dark side (he slaughtered children because he was too scared to ask for help to save Padme directly).

I'll stop there.

One of my previous complaints that I have seen only hints to in other places is the fact that what Lucas gave us for something called the Clone Wars wouldn't really have been called the Clone Wars.  It could as easily have been called the Droid Wars.  Each of those two names would suggest the war was about that thing though.  And what we got would probably best be described as the Separatist War because it seems to have been about some star systems trying to separate from the Galactic Republic.  My complaint is that Lucas should have come up with something about the concept of cloning and its use.  It could easily have been that Separatist systems had economies dependent on clone labor force, and the Galactic Republic was finally getting around to considering it immoral... so you end up with a war about the use of clones.  That would have made sense to me.  And it leads to my new thought about how Lucas failed with the prequels.

Clones are living beings with feelings who can be hurt and killed.  They are bred, genetically altered, and indoctrinated from birth to be willing servants.  They are created and never given a choice.  They are slaves.  And the clone troopers given to us in the prequel trilogy are slaves expected to risk their lives and casually die with little effort to protect them.

Why would the jedi accept that?  Aren't the jedi the good guys?  Sure, Lucas says they're supposed to remain emotionally detached, but using slave soldiers is outright evil.  Lucas just skipped over the part where someone told the jedi that they'd be commanding slave soldiers in battle.  They were already made by request of some now gone jedi years ago?  Oh it must be okay.  And since they're here, we might as well use them.  What kind of stupid thing is that?  I get that the Jedi were getting complacent and losing their edge with the apparent disappearance of the Sith... but... this one seems so simple.

If you combine my desire for something called the Clone Wars to make sense, and the idea that jedi SHOULDN'T use slaves, there's actually a really good path Lucas could have taken.  Do as I said with respect to making the political situation be that many systems rely on slave clones for labor (as teachers, medics, maids, child care, waiters, cooks, and anything that people enjoy a living interaction for instead of a droid).  More enlightened people come to enough power to challenge that institution, and you have your political tension.  Separatist worlds try to leave the Republic before they are forced to find a new way and under guidance of a particular sith lord, they build an army of clones.

This is a perfect fighting force for the separatists.  It uses a resource they have a ready ability to produce and it forces the Galactic Republic to fight and kill the people they're trying to save.  I think that's clever.

The Galactic Republic doesn't have a standing military big enough for an interstellar civil war, so it begins cranking out non-sentient droid soldiers.  Military units are reinforced with them and the Jedi are asked to help on missions or big battles where their power with the Force can make a big difference.  We can get the idea that monks with power aren't automatically military trained and capable, which was a weird leap in the prequels.  And we get to see scenes where the jedi watch as unfeeling machines kill the poor clones forced into a life of servitude and death.

At this point I'm thinking about how Anakin's fall to the dark side has to be a different story.  I want to make Padme into a Force-sensitive pilot (who never got training with the Force) for Senator Bail Organa, and that's how Anakin ends up meeting her.  She's an incredible pilot who seems able to pull the senator out of some pretty scary situations with her benefits from being Force-sensitive (lightning reflexes and intuition).  I'm playing up the relationship there because it explain far better why Bail would be interested in helping Padme's children later.

Padme and Anakin meet and have their relationship develop.  Anakin continues to serve in the war with the jedi, but it's becoming clear he's not great at controlling his anger.  He even benefits from using it and Obi-Wan and Padme both start to recognize the danger.  Padme is pregnant and she's pulling away from Anakin, which makes him more angry.  During this time, Sidious has heard of Anakin and is orchestrating situations where Anakin has to fight especially hard to save his comrades and/or himself to give him plenty of experience using his anger.  And then Sidious sets up a meeting with Anakin where he offers to teach Anakin how to use that great power.  Maybe Sidious even gives Anakin dreams about losing his comrades and Padme.  And he feels like he's losing them already so the dreams just bolster the effect.

At this point, Anakin (and everyone else really) doesn't know that Sidious has been helping and guiding the separatists.  He just knows that Sidious is supposedly a bad guy because he's a Sith, but so far has only had an offer of help from him.  Anakin keeps it to himself because he wants to decide for himself, knowing that the Jedi would go after him.  And his turn to the dark side becomes about feeling like the jedi are trying to limit him and like Sidious is supporting him.  At this point Padme is pretty distanced from Anakin and Anakin is angry.

Anakin's duties keep him away from Padme and he finds himself increasingly asking Sidious for advice.  He wants power enough to end the war and convince Padme she should stay with him.  Enough time passes that Padme gives birth.  Obi-Wan is there.  No stupid death by sadness for Padme.  And Leia's line about remembering a bit about her real mother can make sense.  Anakin tries to visit what he thinks is his only child, and Padme stops him saying he has to go fix some things before he can participate in this relationship.  He nearly loses it and Obi-Wan has to step in to prevent him from doing damage.  Anakin makes wrong conclusions about what's going on and swears he'll return to get his child.  Says he can sense his son already and that his son is strong in the Force.  Then he leaves and heads straight for Sidious where his dark path continues.  This is all during maybe episode 2.

Realizing that the Padme and the kids aren't safe there, they put her in hiding, but Anakin finds them again citing that he can sense his son.  It leads to the point where the Jedi advise Padme to let them take Luke far away to be raised by his Uncle and Aunt on Tatooine... the Jedi believe Anakin's past there will hide Luke effectively.  Padme of course says she'll just move there too, but the Jedi warn about just how much that protection might be able to hide.

Padme stays working for Senator Organa, and Leia lives at the Organa household since Padme is so close to the family.  Leia is super young when her mom dies (possibly at the hands of Anakin who has come to find his son and who is told that the Jedi took him to hide him).  Anakin doesn't know Leia is his daughter and the Organa family adopts her and gets the papers doctored to suggest she's been their kid all along.

Obi-Wan keep vigil over Luke; the Organas raise Leia; and the original trilogy is set up with clone wars that make sense.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Review: Star Wars Episode 8... again.

I can't help it.  Some friends still seem to think Star Wars episode 8 is a good movie, and Rian Johnson still hasn't been punished for his abuse of the Star Wars universe.

I'm also heavily emotionally invested in Star Wars, so the transgressions affect me emotionally... and writing about it is difficult to do without the emotion being part of it.  I'll try again to make points that are valid despite being conveyed with vitriol of the filth that is Star Wars Episode 8.

I'd like to point out at the beginning though that I like the new characters just fine.  Notably, I like Rey, Finn, Poe, and Kylo.  And I think all the actors did fine jobs with the script they were given.  I think some of the writing for scenes was pretty good (more in episode 7 than 8, but 8 has a couple bits of decent scene writing too).  My problems with Episode 8 are around everything else.

So, I'll start with a bullet list of the flaws with Episode 8, hoping that I can keep emotion out of it...

  • Backbone of the movie is the slow chase based on writer's shortcuts to force a situation, and which keeps most of the main characters in very limited spaces.
  • writer short cut: running out of fuel
  • writer short cut: new sensor that can follow through hyperspace
  • The slow chase is boring.
  • Leia is under used, and her most spectacular moment is surviving being blown into space which leaves her out of too big a chunk of the movie.
  • Finn's role is to come up with a stupid plan, get part way through the plan, and fail horribly.  This is a huge waste of precious movie time.
  • The casino world is a commentary on the immorality of business.  I agree with the point, but it should have no place in my space adventure story that is supposed to be about character growth.
  • Poe's comedy at the beginning of the movie shouldn't be there.
  • Luke was the most optimistic person in the whole galaxy.  He knew his father could be redeemed despite Vader killing a lot of people for no good reason.  Luke had hope for one of the two most evil people in the galaxy.  But for some reason, he thinks it might be a good idea to kill his nephew because he's got a bad feeling about him going bad.  Stupid writing.
  • Episode 7 set up a little for us about the history over the past 30 years since Return of the Jedi, in the separation of Han and Leia along with Kylo going to the Dark Side; in Snoke and the Knights of Ren; and in Rey with her mystery past with hints that her parents would be interesting.  Episode 8 chose to break all of it and give us a trite statement that you don't have to be a Skywalker to be the protagonist.  They could have done that from the beginning, but instead we got: Here's an exciting mystery!  Oh wait... no...
  • The main characters of the new movies are Poe, Finn, Rey, and Kylo.  Poe has the most interesting arc where he learns the burden of leadership and Leia hands him the reins at the end.  Finn has the most useless story arc... it adds nothing to the story and is too dumb to be a story of its own that is worth seeing.  Rey and Kylo are the Force users that are the heart of the story since this is a numbered episode that is meant to be the Skywalker story (and Kylo is from the Skywalker line).  But their back and forth that is about an event that is poorly written about Luke being exactly the opposite of what his character is supposed to be is boring.  Rey makes some effort to get training from Luke.  Kylo thinks everyone should die because he's emotionally hurt.  And we find out that Rey and Kylo can't reconcile their beliefs.  Holy crap I'm bored.  Empire Strikes back had intrigue around Lando's loyalties; excitement around the two Force users battling; finding out Vader is Luke's father; and the bad guys come out on top.  Episode 8 has this wishy-washy back and forth that just failed to grab my interest.
  • Snoke is killed off as an obstacle for Kylo to overcome.  He just dies.  One of the interesting things that Episode 7 set up is just brushed away.  WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST THIRTY YEARS?!
  • Speaking of what happened in the last thirty years... why is the Empire/First Order still in charge?  Why is the Rebellion still a resistance?  Thirty freaking years after the FALL OF THE EMPIRE and what we get is that NOTHING CHANGED.  Not even the main characters from the original trilogy changed.  Luke is pulling his pud in a remote location.  Han and Chewie are back to smuggling (way to destroy more character growth).  And Leia is back to helping lead the Rebellion/Resistance.  Why has nothing changed? (admittedly this is probably more of a complaint for Episode 7).
  • The galaxy has had hypserspace technology for thousands of years.  And yet, this is the first time anyone has thought to jump to hyperspace into an enemy fleet that is much larger than your one ship, destroying ALL of them.  Lazy writing at its worst.  Johnson wrote himself into a corner.  And he just made something up that fundamentally changes the setting... again.  Running out of fuel immediately after take off; new sensor to follow through hyperspace; and hyperspace attacks that would have been weaponized thousands of years ago if that was a thing.  I suppose it's similar in offensiveness to a weapon that eats a whole star with billions of years worth of fuel to shoot planets lightyears away... with no indication of how it can store that energy without vaporizing and no indication of how it then moves to another star.  I hate the writers for episodes 7 and 8.
  • Rose's declaration that love is how we win right after nearly killing herself and Finn in order to allow the giant gun to fire at their friends is dumb writing.  In that situation in reality, both would have died due to the collision in those rickety speeders, and the huge battering ram gun would have killed most of the resistance behind those doors.  It's a nice message, but poorly conveyed.  Hell... if those things had some kind of ejection seat... they could have just let Finn have a win... just one win for the movie.  Skip the message of love and give us our adventure story!
  • Someone should have shot BB-8 when he was piloting that walker.  The convenience of tearing off the head so we can see BB-8 is dumb.  Just show him getting in (however he managed that), and then Finn and Rose are excited they're not dying.
  • Phasma has armor that works.  Wait... paying for a ridiculous number of clone troopers, and then the First Order switches to abducting and brainwashing people which are all expensive and time consuming processes, only to give them crappy gear that doesn't work, and the reason is what?  It can't be that better gear isn't available... Phasma has it.  Is she the only soldier worth protecting?  What?!
  • Luke dies because he's tired.  He's only in his early 50s in this movie.  It's not like he's already on death's door.  Why did exhaustion make him die?  Why choose that as the writer?  So he can be a Force Ghost in the next episode?  I understand passing the torch to the new characters... but that was needlessly wasteful.  It didn't make the story better.  It just makes me confused.
  • If the Resistance has hyperspace capable vehicles that Finn and Rose can steal to go on their stupid adventure, and the Empire 2 ignores it entirely... why aren't more of them doing that to try other plans?  If they think they can get a message out to friends that might help... why not send someone the moment you realized that the Empire 2 can track you through hyperspace?  Why not send people to get a fuel truck to buy some more time?  Why not transfer people from support ships to the main ship with shuttles, and then hyperspace jump one of the support vessels into the enemy fleet which we already know now works as a ridiculous weapon?  Why not ferry people a few at a time to a safe location that the Empire 2 isn't bothering to track and get the bulk of your people to safety until the Empire 2 realizes what's happening?
  • On the other side... with three fighters including the ship Kylo Ren was in, they destroyed the bridge of the main rebellion 2 ship, and destroyed the fighter hangar.  They were pulled back because the big ships couldn't catch up to give support?  What support did they need?  They were winning easily?  The three fighters could have just destroyed the rebellion 2 ships and the movie would be over... except Rey and Kylo have their odd pointless thing to get through.
  • The movie doesn't draw on the setting and what has happened already.  Both 7 and 8 neglect the original trilogy characters, and especially in 8, ignore the setting and what makes it great.  Maybe Rian Johnson's story could have been told on its own in another setting and turn out to be a good story.  I know he's capable of a fun movie.  I liked Looper.  It was a fun movie.  But he came in and tried to wrench the Star Wars setting into something it's not, and pissed me off in the process.


I'm sorry I can't leave the emotion out of it.  But I think I'm making reasonable points about why Episode 8 is terrible.  And no one I've heard claiming the movie is good writing has made any counter points.  One friend even told me he studied this kind of thing for college with his theater degree so he knows more about it than I do, and in kinder words basically told me to shut up.  Some have tried to say that the stuff they did with Luke was actually good, but no one has explained any reasoning behind that thinking.  I had a friend try to say it fits with the monomyth, but that argument fails because it assumes that being part of the monomyth makes it good, and also that it's the only way to make something good.

It feels like I'm making comments to support my assertion that Episode 8 is bad and then they're being dismissed without anything to help me understand why I'm being dismissed.  I think that's probably why I keep writing these reviews about Episode 8.  I want to communicate, and then I either want to understand why anyone who claims to be a fan of Star Wars might like Episode 8, or I'd like someone to admit that Episode 8 is actually bad (at least not good).

Alright... I've vented enough for now I guess.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi - Review

I just put up my post about listing flaws from each of the 8 current movies with numbers, and Rogue One.  If you're interested, you can find it here: http://highdex.blogspot.com/2017/12/star-wars-flaws.html

A warning: It's very long, and full of spoilers.

But I want to address Episode 8 specifically in case anyone stumbles on this blog site, and doesn't want to read my thoughts about flaws in all those movies.  So, here is my review of Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi.

I dislike the movie a lot.  I think it's terrible plot writing; terrible disrespect to the characters I actually care about; and I think it's full of useless of garbage.  If I had to rate it on a percentile overall, I'd put it at about 17%, or 17 out of 100.  And I'm shocked and confused that I have friends who like this movie.  Shocked and confused also that it's getting good reviews in general.  And I'm frustrated that my friends don't understand some things I consider glaringly obvious.  I'll try to share my thoughts in more detail now that I've summarized my opinion.

~ Spoilers Follow ~

Bad: Overall Plot Concept
This movie is the middle one, and the bad guys have to make progress like in Empire Strikes Back so that there's some tension in the overall story.  I can support that.  But the writers screwed up hard with the use of the slow chase scene for most of the movie.  We are shown the Resistance escaping from their base where presumably they just fueled up.  Then we see the Resistance jump to hyperspace to escape the First Order fleet that got there just as the Resistance is leaving.  Then we get the trap: the First Order can track you so jumping to hyperspace doesn't save you anymore.  Then we are told that the Resistance ships can move just fast enough to keep to maximum range away from the First Order, so the shots that hit them can be handled by the shields just fine.  But don't get comfortable... they have a time limit: they're running out of fuel.

The plot of the movie is that the Resistance is trying to figure out how to escape from this ridiculously contrived set up.  It's stupid because the writers tried really hard to keep the Resistance on their ship for the whole movie using lazy tricks that don't fit the setting.  A capital ship running out of fuel when there's technology that can absorb an entire star in a matter of minutes (which is also infuriatingly dumb) makes no sense at all.  And I wasn't pleased by the idea anyway.  It feels like too much of a set up.

I hate the fundamental plot.

Bad: Treatment of Leia
With this dumb plot that includes Leia being stuck in a command center or medical recovery room for the entire movie, the only thing that can be considered a shining moment for her can be summed up as "I survived being blown out into space, by using the Force."  What a huge let down.  She had some okay lines, but for a main character, she's atrociously under-used, and her shining moment is dumb.  It's an offense against the character.

I hate the writers for mistreating Leia and Carrie Fisher

Bad: Treatment of Luke
I'm totally okay with Luke having lost his way, and coming back from it.  I even enjoyed the scene he gets using his new Force power to stand up to the invading walkers and Kylo Ren.  But why the heck would you kill Luke Skywalker?  They had an opportunity to have Luke make a bunch of realizations and then be an awesome contributing character to every Star Wars movie to come.  But he gets a brief moment, and then dies?  What-the-ever-Christing-ignorance-on-a-stick?!  This is simply infuriating!  I wanted to see Luke and Leia after 30 years having both trained; both owning lightsabers; and both getting a chance to be incredible in this movie.  But instead it feels like the writers hate the original trilogy, and are doing everything they can to ruin the original characters.

I hate the writers for mistreating Luke and Mark Hamill

Now notice I haven't really talked about the new characters yet.  Why?  Because I don't care about them.  I like them well enough I suppose, but they're not what I want in my Star Wars.  I don't want them to be the main characters yet.  I want Episodes 7, 8, and 9 to be the continued stories of Han, Chewy, Luke, and Leia, as they pass the torch to the next group of adventurers.  Rey, Finn, Poe, and Kylo are all fine characters... but I don't care about them yet, and they're not what I want to focus on.  However, because I love writing, I'll continue this review and talk about the other stuff in the movie too...

Bad: Finn's Story Line
As I said, I like Finn well enough as a character.  In Episode 7, I like his introduction and character writing.  It's entertaining how socially awkward he is because of his rather awful upbringing, and he's got a lot of good lines.  In Episode 8 however... he's basically meaningless, but still takes up a bunch of time in the movie.  The casino side story was a fine commentary on the immorality of business, but that's not what I want in my Star Wars movie, and it did nothing for the story.  Finn accomplishes basically nothing.  It might have been better if they left him recovering in a bacta suit for the whole movie.

Good: Poe's Story Line
I actually like this part of Episode 8.  It's the only story/plot related thing that I do like about the movie.  They show Poe being impulsive at the beginning of the movie, making the choice to attack the big First Order ship.  He's happy that they destroyed a First Order ship, and then we see his first lesson.  Leia scolds him for spending so many lives to do it... for making the decision to attack for so little gain at the cost of so many.  And as the movie goes on we get to see Poe being hit with knowledge that leadership is a heavy burden that takes a lot more thought than he was using to that point.  I like this part.

Bad: Rey and Kylo's Story Line
I think I'm okay with the communication through the Force that Rey and Kylo had.  I'm okay with it being a new way of using the Force that we haven't seen yet.  But it feels like super lazy writing again.  They wanted Rey and Kylo to have the ability to talk without them fighting each other immediately.  But I don't feel like anything important was done that couldn't have been done a different way.  Yeah... I think that's it.  I don't feel like much important was done with those characters; I feel like what was done, was done poorly; and I feel like we wasted too much time on them for too little benefit.

Bad: Use of the Snoke Character
I admit it was pretty cool the way Kylo ended Snoke.  But I feel like the writers missed a really important set of things they could have done with Snoke.  First, who is he?  Where did he come from?  Who is this guy that is apparently powerful with the Force?  What are the Knights of Ren?  With the Sith gone, where did this group come from?  There's a whole chunk of the setting that could have been fleshed out, but now it feels like Snoke is a throwaway character.  Now it feels like something they were setting up is just not getting used.  I'm disappointed.

Conclusion
Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi is a very poorly written movie with very little in the way of redeeming qualities.  I hate the abuse of the original trilogy characters, and the rest of the stuff in the movie was just not engaging.

Ratings
Just to give you an idea of how I'd rate the other movies too, so you can get a better feel for my thoughts on Star Wars in general...

  • Episode 1: The Phantom Menace - 0 out of 100 (worst movie)
  • Episode 2: Attack of the Clones - 12 out of 100 (awful movie with terrible romance writing)
  • Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith - 14 out of 100 (awful movie with a special effects extravaganza instead of an emotional battle between close friends)
  • Episode 4: A New Hope - 92 out of 100
  • Episode 5: Empire Strikes Back - 95 out of 100
  • Episode 6: Return of the Jedi - 98 out of 100 (the points are only lost for this one because of the ewoks)
  • Episode 7: The Force Awakens - 40 out of 100 (too much focus on the new characters, and Han's death while necessary was dumb.  It gets as many points as it does because of some of the great lines, and the awesome scene where Chewbacca goes into beast mode and ruins bad guys)
  • Episode 8: The Last Jedi - 17 out of 100 (I'm really only giving it a higher score than the prequels because the prequels still seem worse to me)

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Star Wars Flaws

This whole thing is going to have spoilers in it, and I don't want to try to separate them out.  If you haven't seen a Star Wars movie that you're going to see, you might want to avoid reading this article.



Star Wars is a big setting, and I have a lot of emotional bond with it.  I was born the same year Episode 4 came out (just called "Star Wars" then), and I've been tied to those movies ever since.  I have fond memories of watching the original trilogy over and over again as a kid in grade school.  I remember getting home from school and watching them on more days than I probably should have.  I remember being able to listen to John Williams music from the movies, and being able to speak the lines occurring at the moment no matter what part of the movies the music was from.  I remember numbers (like many of us) from the movies like: "1138", "TK421", and "3263827".  Those movies are part of who I am.  And even more than watching them too much, I feel like I learned a good portion of my personality from those movies.  I think I got a portion of my moral code from them.  I wouldn't be who I am now without them.

Some friends of mine and I are discussing "Episode 8: The Last Jedi".  And some of those friends think it's good.  I think it's bad.  One of the reasons I'm being told that I dislike it is that the originals are a major point of nostalgia for me, and that I saw them as a child.  So, I'm being told that the only reason I don't dislike the original trilogy is the combination of nostalgia, and being an unjaded child when I formed my opinion.  But I disagree with that completely.  Since that time, I've spent time looking at the old trilogy and finding big problems.  Ewoks should not be able to defeat a military where the technological difference alone could have accounted for the Ewoks being defeated.  This bothers me greatly about Episode 6.  But I still LOVE Episode 6.

My purpose in writing this is to tear apart episodes 1 through 8 (9 doesn't exist yet as I write this), and Rogue One.  I'm going to do my best to crush the movies, and see if in that process I can explain why I still LOVE episodes 4 through 6; like Rogue One; and dislike episodes 1, 2, 3, 7, and 8.  And also why I think it's not nostalgia or childish ingraining.  One last thing for me to mention is that I don't accept the Special Edition versions of the original trilogy.  Some of the effects changes were pretty, but changing things like allowing Greedo to get a shot off are dumb enough that I just don't accept the special editions.  That would be a separate review I think, and a serious flaw with Episode 4 would then be that letting Greedo shoot at all ruins the setup of Han Solo's character as a criminal willing to do bad things if it serves him.


Episode 1: The Phantom Menace


It's going to be tough to list out all the flaws with this movie.  There's too much wrong with it.  It's a piece of garbage, though I'll give credit to most of the actors who did the best they could with crap they were given.  I guess I'll start with Palpatine's plot.  His goal is to depose the chancellor of the republic in such a way that he gets to fill the seat.  His plan is for a "trade federation" to block trade on his home planet... the one he's a senator for in the republic.  He figures that if the chancellor can be shown to be ineffective in dealing with a planet wide problem, he can get other senators to call for a vote that will open the seat for him.  So... why would a trade federation want to militarily block trade on a planet?  Why would a trade federation have an army of droids?  Why would Palpatine call for the trade federation to KILL the visiting Jedi diplomats, instead of just sending them back to Coruscant with bad news that the Trade Federation isn't going to go anywhere?  Especially since attacking the Jedi is a way to give the current chancellor more power to act against the trade federation... which is what Palpatine doesn't want... he wants an ineffective chancellor.  Not one with an excuse to act.

Palpatine's plan was garbage, but the writers made it work anyway.  And they didn't stop there.  Why is a planet in immediate trouble if interstellar trade is blocked?  Who cares?  The planet has plenty of resources to keep functioning indefinitely.  Literally, the trade blockade only has a chance of harming an economy.  This is not life threatening.  To make the situation direr, Palpatine orders the Trade Federation to invade.  Okay... if Palpatine can stop the chancellor having the ability to effectively send help now, then sure: depose the chancellor.  But the writers made the chancellor ask if a team could be sent to assess the situation on Naboo, instead of remembering that freaking Jedi were sent there and came back saying that Naboo needs help.  If the Jedi don't have authority to make a claim like that, and have it be believed, why bother using them as diplomats in that same situation?  Why were the Jedi sent in the first place if the Senate wasn't already aware that something was wrong?  And if the Jedi can't be believed on that one, why use them for anything?  Why not just send a military response to check out the situation?  If there's no problem, then the Jedi have a lot of explaining to do.  But otherwise, hooray for decisive action.  It made no sense that a man strong willed enough to become chancellor would be so powerless in the face of making that decision, and convincing the senate to agree.  Eh... Maybe you can think of explanations... but Palpatine's plan depended on the chancellor bumbling a lot.

Okay.  The whole underlying plot of the movie is a stupid overly-convoluted political plot that George Lucas says is from a movie that is supposed to entertain children.  I suppose that's why we got the character of Jar-Jar.  Honestly, I wouldn't hate Jar-Jar so much if the bits of humor weren't so... dumb.  He steps in poop and makes a big deal out of it.  Compare that to C3-P0 who plays the part of straight-man, primarily for Han's jokes, and Jar-Jar pales in comparison.  They could have written him better.  But he's a slap-stick humor addition, instead of an intelligent humor addition.  But with this paragraph my real intention was to point out that while Lucas claims this movie is for children, I'm confident he's wrong.  Episode 4 works for children because it's not mired in political drama.  It's just exciting.  People you care about are struggling to win.  Episode 1 has political maneuvering instead of Storm Troopers shooting at the good guys while they try to escape.

Let's keep going.  They introduce the character of Quigon Jin.  There was no reason to.  At all.  But we got him.  And he's supposed to be an example of a Jedi who is something of a maverick, but who has good ideas that the Jedi Council is just not paying attention to.  But this guy who's supposed to be a good example of virtue is perfectly happy to use his overwhelming power on normal people to get what he wants, to their detriment.  He's not actually a good role-model.  If this movie is for children, he's conveying that it's okay to cheat and steal as long as you have the power to do it.  You might argue that he's acting for the greater good, and he only cheated bad people, but are good people supposed to take shortcuts when other solutions exist?  Are good people supposed to abuse power like that?  It feels slimy.  Instead of having this morally questionable role-model added to the story for no real benefit, we should have taken our cue from what Obiwan Kenobi said in Episode 4 about the past.  He said that when he met Anakin Skywalker, Anakin was already a great pilot and a cunning warrior.  That's not a child.  Anakin should have been a pilot that Obiwan met during the Clone Wars... like he said to Luke.  There was no need for an intermediate Jedi who's only purpose was to die so that Obiwan could get mad and fight with emotion against Darth Maul.

Speaking of Darth Maul... why would Palpatine send Maul to attack the Jedi?  What benefit did he gain from that?  If his purpose is to remain unnoticed, so he can create a war that gives him an excuse to take total power, why would you announce to the Jedi that there are Sith hanging around again?  Why would you be so secretive about everything else and then just say "I don't care... I'll let the Jedi know I'm here."?  This part of the writing is just dumb.  It would have made so much more sense if Palpatine was sending Maul out to accomplish tasks in secret, and then the Jedi stumbled on him, making his discovery an accident.  Then Palpatine at least isn't dumb about this one thing.  Arrogance is supposed to be what the Jedi mistake is... they've grown arrogant absent any competition.  Why would Palpatine do something arrogant like tip his hand assuming that the Jedi wouldn't be capable of dealing with him?  Bah... it's stupid risk.

Then there's that other point: Anakin is a child when he's found in the prequels.  I'll expand on that.  Because of his introduction, we have the misfortune of having to put up with attempts at humor around a child bumbling through combat in space.  Sure.  The Force helped him.  But it's completely unnecessary to telling us the story of Darth Vader.  The same is true of the pod races.  What was that?  Forty-five minutes of the movie taken up by an exercise in special effects that really also had no bearing on the story.  What a waste of precious time in a setting that I love so much.  I only get 9 Star Wars movies (not counting the specials) in 40 years.  And the one that's supposed to kick off the whole story wastes 45 minutes on a freaking pod race?  Ugh... I'm just angry about this.

Imagine that the writers of Episode 1 had actually paid attention to the original trilogy, and Obiwan's recounting of Luke's father's past.  We probably start during the clone wars, and Anakin is a pilot that's not involved in the war.  Obiwan runs into him and notices the connection to the Force.  Obiwan starts requesting him for missions or something, and Obiwan eventually tells Anakin that he wants to train him in the ways of the Force.  Anakin is sort of struggling with it, and talks to his brother Owen who thinks Anakin shouldn't get involved.  Obiwan talks to Yoda about wanting to train Anakin, and Yoda warns that there's danger in starting the training so late in life, and that he feels unease around training Anakin.  Obiwan thinks it's worth the risk and thinks he can handle any challenges... and Anakin eventually decides Obiwan is the path he wants to follow.  The end of the movie is Anakin beginning his training.  Maybe he's even met a female character that will end up being Luke and Leia's mom... but it doesn't have to be a queen or something like that... just some awesome badass woman.  And we can skip the creepy thing they actually did in Episode 1.

Okay... I'll stop there for now.  I hope it's clear why I dislike Episode 1 despite it being a Star Wars movie.  I don't think my jadedness as an adult is causing it.  I think the fact that the movie is awful is causing it.  On to Episode 2...


Episode 2: Attack of the Clones


The clone war should have already been established in Episode 1, and it should actually have had something to do with Clones.  What we are actually given is a big political disagreement that results in war, and the army on one side is mostly clones, and the army on the other side is mostly droids.  This is not a recipe for something called a "clone war".  If I had planned on something called the clone wars, I would probably have made it be about the morality of creating and using clones.  Why aren't they full citizens?  Why do they have to lose their rights because they were made in a test tube?  They're still living beings.  Lots of interesting morality material there... but honestly, Star Wars isn't supposed to be about deep thinking.  It's an adventure story that's supposed to make you feel sorrow and joy.  So, I probably would have called it the "Separatist War"... where a faction wanted to leave the republic and did so with violence... still manipulated by Palpatine.  You still get to have Palpatine be a manipulator in the shadows gathering power for himself.  That's a good part of this story.  But we got something confusing instead.

There are really two major complaints beyond my initial thought of the whole premise being wrong (should have followed Obiwan's story instead of continuing the broken crap that was Episode 1).  The first is that the romance between Anakin and Padme was terrible.  The lines were awful; the connection wasn't really believable; and the only scene in all of the Star Wars movies that I fast forward through is that dumb scene in a field with the cow creatures that Anakin rides.  What a piece of garbage.  Instead of a teenage awkward dating story, I want to see the story of how Anakin and Padme (whatever form she takes in the alternate story) fall in love.  Han and Leia make sense to me.  They're in the struggle together having to deal with each other a lot, and Han is the cocky guy that keeps telling Leia of his interest, and she resists, and you want to see them end up together.  Anakin is an emotionally stunted sociopath that craves his precious at all costs, and it makes no sense at all that Padme has any interest in him at all.  The romance in Episode 2 is so forced that it's just impossible to accept.  Anakin should be going through Obiwan's training and spending a lot of time with a woman that is awesome and drawing his attention.  Two basic paths he's splitting his attention between, and two paths that both make sense.

The second thing that particularly bothers me about episode 2 is that it completely ruins the mystique and awe of the Jedi.  The idea that you could have 20 Jedi run into a battle with flying bug things, and have a bunch of them die drops them from the level of mysterious and powerful to assembly line and cannon fodder.  It's... awful.  Why would you do that?  I don't want to see a special effects extravaganza of lightsabers all over a battlefield.  I want to see one or two Jedi at a time dealing with situations far bigger than them... like Luke joining the rebellion and being important to their destruction of the first death star.  Not a squad of Jedi fighting the cannon fodder on equal footing.  Just awful.

A final though of note for Episode 2 is that the writers exhibited their laziness again when they gave R2-D2 little jets he could fly with.  There was no reason to give him the ability to fly.  What a stupid thing.  Why not just skip the over-done special effects for the droid foundry and assembly plant?  Why make it so that the only way R2 can get around is to fly?


Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith


This is possibly the least offensive of the prequels.  But it's still bad.  The movie has the same problem that Episodes 1 and 2 have which is that the entire story should have been based on Obiwan Kenobi's telling of history instead of the new illogical thing that doesn't work very well.  But that's just a sweeping complaint with all the prequels.  I'll give you a few things more specific to Episode 3.

To begin with, it's sad to me that the novelization of the movie does a MUCH better job of telling the story that the movie was trying to tell.  Star Wars is one of those settings where it starts as a movie, and has to be adapted for books, which to me generally means the movie will be better than the book.  The design of it is for movies.  Usually it's the other way around, where the book is far superior to the movie because the movie is an adaptation of the book.  But in this case... the adapted book is so much better than the movie when it shouldn't be.  Anakin's struggle between the light and dark side is so much more logical in the book.  That's really the big thing.  But a simple difference to point out is the scene where Obiwan and the clones go after Grievous.  In the movie you see Obiwan joking with Captain Cody a bit, and Captain Cody hands Obiwan back the lightsaber he dropped.  You can see briefly they have a good working relationship, just before Order 66 is given and Cody has to try to kill Obiwan.  The movie doesn't make a deal about it, but if you think about it, Captain Cody is a named clone that Obiwan works with a lot.  They banter, and seem to enjoy each other's company.  And it SHOULD be a jarring thing that the clones are suddenly totally okay with trying to kill the Jedi they've been working with for so long.  It should be totally apparent that the clones are something different.  They've had their humanity stripped away to the point where they feel no emotional connection of true friendship.  The book shares Cody's thoughts as he receives Order 66, and he quips in thoughts that he laments having gotten the order just after having given the lightsaber back to Obiwan.  This is a very poignant moment where you are faced with the realization that Cody doesn't care about trying to kill Obiwan.  He can think joking thoughts about it.  And you don't get that depth from the movie.

That's just one example, but almost everything in the movie is better portrayed in the book, right down to making it more believable that Anakin would choose the dark side to the point of betraying Mace Windu, and trying to kill his teacher and friend Obiwan.  I'm really disappointed in the movie for its failings in telling its own story.

I'm also really disappointed in the lightsaber fight between Obiwan and Grievous.  Grievous boasts about being trained in a bunch of fighting styles, and then just spins the lightsabers really fast.  It's kind of ridiculous.  Instead of seeing computer-controlled actions attacking Obiwan from multiple angles at once and attacks just after another to force Obiwan to parry in one place and deal with an attack from another place... They could have made that choreography so much cooler.  Instead... it was silly.

And then... there's Yoda's fight with Palpatine.  It didn't feel like two massively powerful Force users in contest.  It felt like the writers couldn't come up with anything better than Palpatine throwing senate platforms at Yoda.  And Yoda still trying to use his lightsaber.  Why did they even draw lightsabers?  At that point of mastery, the lightsaber shouldn't be necessary.  I feel let down by that fight too.

And then possibly the dumbest thing in the movie is the lightsaber fight between Obiwan and Anakin.  Instead of an emotionally charged fight between two people who really care about each other struggling to defeat the other... we have people swinging on ropes over a lava river... for 45 minutes.  That's probably an exaggeration, but you don't get meaning in a scene by making it into a special effects extravaganza that lasts too long.  This should have been one of the most emotionally powerful scenes in the entire series of movies, but instead it's just long-winded and goofy.  I get that the story is that Anakin got burned near lava... and you could have had an excellent lightsaber fight between the two just on the shore there... instead of on weird spans over lava, rope swings, and standing on hovering droids.  I wanted more verbal interaction too.  More of Obiwan pleading with Anakin... more trying to figure out why Anakin would murder children.  I wanted more of Anakin showing the struggle with his facial expressions... the realization that he's doing something very wrong, but going forward anyway.  I want to understand the anguish he's feeling.  I want to understand that he's mad at Obiwan for not saving him.  There's so much going on under the surface in this fight, and the movie gives us the flashy piece of crap instead.

That's enough for Episode 3.


Rogue One


I'll start by saying I really like this movie.  There's a lot in it that I enjoyed thoroughly, and felt like it adds to the story of episodes 1 through 8.  The characters are done really well, to the point where I was crying in the theater each time one of the characters died.  I LOVE when writers can make me care about characters that much.  But I'm here to bash movies, so I'll do that.

My first complaint is that I HATED a particular line that Vader had.  It's a scene where the sniveling imperial officer who is the head of the Death Star project is trying to take credit for good things and shift blame for bad things in a conversation with Vader.  At the end of the conversation, the officer asks if he gets to keep his command, and Vader, finally tired of the simpering fool, uses the Force to choke him and says...

"Don't choke on your aspirations"

What a stupid line.  Darth Vader doesn't make cheesy dad jokes when he's trying to be intimidating.  He's just intimidating.  He should have said something like "go away" after choking him.  Nice and simple and scary.  It damaged my impression of Darth Vader to think he might say something so dumb.

The next thing that jarred me out of reverie was that it seems like R2-D2 and C3-P0 perform impossible transportation for the setting.  The attempt at stealing Death Star data is already underway, and the rebels figure out that they should help.  So, they send all the ships they can.  They show the ships taking off from Yavin IV, and they show R2 and 3PO standing there at the hangar watching those ships take off to head for the fight.  Princess Leia aboard her Tantive IV Blockade Runner, is with the fleet helping to get the Death Star plans.  At the end of the movie, Leia and the plans are racing away, next to be seen over Tatooine with the Imperials capturing her.  The plans escape the ship in the care of R2.  In case you haven't seen the problem: R2 and 3PO are on Yavin IV when the rebels go to get the Death Star plans... the same planet they're trying to get the plans back to.  The droids are also on the Tantive IV when it gets captured.  When did the droids make that trip?  If Leia went back to Yavin to pick them up, she would have already succeeded in her mission to bring the plans back to the secret rebel base.  And if the droids could leave after the rest of the fleet and catch up with Leia, why was it so hard for Leia to get back to Yavin IV?  And all they had to do in Rogue One was to have the Droids make their comments from on the Tantive IV as it's leaving Yavin IV.  That's the only difference required.

My next problem with Rogue One is the CGI faces.  I can appreciate them doing it... but they were too recognizable as CGI faces.  It was also jarring.

My final complaint with Rogue One is basically that it messes up the timeline a fair amount.  But that's partly because George Lucas didn't put a lot of thought into the technology of the setting.  He uses it to tell his story, and the technology just does whatever it needs to at the time to make the story keep going.  But this makes it very hard to write more material for it.  The first example is faster than light communication and data transmission.  They have the technology to do it.  You can see it in the communication between Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine in Empire Strikes back.  Vader is talking to the big hologram head.  Palpatine is not in the same star system as Vader, and you get enough data to stream a big hologram and the audio, two-way.  Now consider the Death Star plans.  Using the same basic technology, why couldn't Leia have sent the plans directly to Yavin IV before the empire caught up to her at the beginning of Episode IV?  She's on an interstellar craft with communications ability.

Another inconsistency important to my last point about Rogue One, is that traveling through hyperspace seems to take random amounts of time.  I'll point back to Lucas using it for whatever he needed at the time.  Actually, in the original trilogy, hyperspace travel seems to take a while in general.  The trip from Tatooine to Alderaan seemed to take a few days.  All the hyperspace travel seems to take a decent amount of time.  But in the prequels and in Rogue One, hyperspace travel seems to take maybe an hour at most from the outer rim to the core.

Now that I have those two things laid out, the end of Rogue One has two basic problems: The Rebels should have started transmitting the plans immediately, and Darth Vader shouldn't have been as freaking awesome as he was.  I've already really mentioned why that first one is a problem.  The second one is important to character progression though.  Darth Vader has an incredibly awesome scene at the end of Rogue one.  He's fighting like a dozen rebels with blasters, and he just wades in, parrying shots with his lightsaber, and blocking shots with his hand, while he uses the Force to slam people all over the place, and cuts others down with his sword.  It's fast paced; hectic; exciting; and a display of the power of Darth Vader.  And he's moving fast through the whole thing.

Even if the trip from that planet in Rogue One took a week or a month, they make a point of it being Princess Leia with the plans at the end of Rogue One on her ship that's getting chased at the beginning of Episode 4.  And Darth Vader switches in that small period of time from being the super powerful machine of death, to what he should be in Episode 4 when he faces Obiwan Kenobi.  Vader is using mostly droid parts for his body, and he's forced to wear the suit and the breathing apparatus because he's so badly injured from being burned.  His body doesn't work right, and he can't even breathe right.  He's also supposed to be older at this point... not as spry as he used to be.  The fight as written in Episode 4 is very likely a better representation.  No matter how much I loved seeing Vader go full throttle in Rogue One, I think it was a mistake to make him that athletic at that point in the timeline.  Not only because he shouldn't be that athletic anymore, but because it doesn't make sense that he'd be so spry one day, and then creaky and slower the next.

Along the same lines, there was little reason for Rogue One to choose to bump their story right up against the timeline of Episode 4.  The impression you get during Episode 4 is that the plans have to be hand carried for some reason, and for some reason, Leia couldn't just bring her ship with the most important data ever directly to the rebel base.  She's got the plans, and she's trying to find Obiwan Kenobi to come back and help the rebellion.  Really those things should have been separate tasks... but... I guess I'll complain about it in my tear down of Episode 4.  Back to Rogue One.  What they should have done was tell the story of why the plans took so much effort, including the implied time that Darth Vader has been searching for the leaked plans.  I really like the characters they introduce in Rogue One, but we really didn't NEED as much time spent on building the main character's back story.  And the movie could have nearly started with the stealing of the plans, and then been about the struggle to get the plans somewhere useful.  I want an explanation for why the plans couldn't be transmitted.  I want to understand in a way that makes good sense and story how we got to the point where Leia is fleeing imperial capture over Tatooine... a backwater world nowhere near her base.  Yeah... seeking Obiwan... but he should have been sought after by someone else, and Leia should have brought the plans right where they're needed.

I'm talking more about Episode 4 now anyway, so...


Episode 4: A New Hope


I LOVE Episode 4.  But... I recognize that it has lots of flaws.  Many of which can be explained by saying "it's a space opera adventure story that's meant to be fun.", but the question my friend asked is: why is it okay for the original trilogy to have lots of flaws, and why do you pick on the new movies so much about having flaws?  In my effort to answer that question, I'm going to point out flaws in the originals as I see them.  I'll use them for comparison to the new movie flaws, and also to explain why I love the original trilogy despite flaws.

The first thing in Episode 4 that stands out to me is the scene where Obiwan explains that the people who slaughtered jawas had to be imperial troops because the local riff-raff is not as precise and accurate as imperial troops.  This bothers me because as we all know, imperial troops are shown to be anything but impressively efficient throughout the original trilogy.  So, they make Obiwan a liar (again).

Next is the lack of cauterization when Obiwan cuts off the guy's arm in the Cantina.  Some fan theories I guess suggest the species of the guy has blood that doesn't clot like that or something, but it's a detail that requires explanation outside of the movie... which I tend to disapprove of.

In the Death Star when Luke and Leia are running away from the group of storm troopers, they get to the chasm with the bridge and the door, and they close the door, so the storm troopers can't get to them yet.  Luke blasts the controls... which are also the bridge controls.  They're stuck there as a way to have a good old-fashioned chandelier/rope/whip/whatever swing across a chasm.  It's fine, and fun... but there's a line delivered in my opinion at the wrong time.  When Luke and Leia are still trying to figure out what to do, she says: "They're coming through!" before anything actually happens.  The door doesn't start opening until later.  It feels like the line is delivered at the wrong time.

The trash compactor scene is fine and exciting, but it's always bothered me that standing in water that comes up to mid-shin also somehow leaves enough room for Luke to disappear completely under the surface.  It wouldn't be as exciting a scene without it, but how does the snake monster pull Luke down to a depth where he's not affecting the surface at all with his struggling?  How does Luke disappear down there?  It's not that deep.

Oh wait... earlier scene... another oddly delivered line, this time by Harrison Ford.  The Millennium Falcon is caught in the Death Star's tractor beam, and you see Chewy and Han struggling to make the ship do something to break free.  Han realizes he can't break the ship free, so before he burns out his engines he decides to shut them down.  He says something like: "I'm at full power.  I'm going to have to shut down the engines.  They're not gonna get me without a fight.".  This always struck me as odd the way he delivers the line.  The way he says it, it sounds like shutting down the engines is somehow his way of fighting back.  I think it should have been delivered more like...

Frantically, Han is working the controls, realizes he has to shut down, and says, "I'm at full power.  I'm going to have to shut down the engines.".  He works some more controls, and the ship stops shaking so much as it stops straining against the tractor beam.  He turns to the people with him, and in a calmer serious tone says, "They're not gonna get me without a fight."

To me, the separation would make that scene make more sense.  Instead of it feeling like an out of place line, it becomes the natural progression of Han's thoughts.  He realizes he can't break free of the tractor beam, and tells the people he's with that he intends to go down fighting.  This also makes Obiwan's next line about not being able to win, but there being alternatives to fighting, make a smoother connection too.

Back to the story progression, the Death Star comes out of hyperspace on the wrong side of the planet to fire on the rebel base.  This is to build tension of course, and where they come out might just have been on that side of the planet.  I can accept that.  But if the death star can blow up planets... why not destroy the planet?  I suppose maybe the recharge time on the super weapon might have been too much, and the rebels could flee or something?  This one isn't that bad really... but it does beg a few questions, and while not a flaw necessarily, it might cause a few fans to wonder a bit about what's going on.

The last thing I consider a flaw in the movie is the logic behind the trench run... the climactic battle.  Don't get me wrong.  That scene is one of my top three favorite scenes in all of Star Wars.  The tension and story... uh... sorry... I need to bash the movie.  The scene has a big flaw (in my opinion) around why the rebel fighters need to go into the trench to make the shot at the exhaust port.  We're given an explanation about not being able to use "rays" because it's ray shielded.  So, shooting the "lasers" down the hole won't work.  It's guided torpedoes they need to use.  Okay... I'll accept that as setting logic.  And I even accept that the torpedoes can alter their own course to turn town the hole.  We have missile technology today that looks for weak points in structures and steers itself toward things like windows and doors.  The only complaint I have with this so far is that for some reason the fighters had to be flown to a certain point to fire the torpedoes at the right time, so they could turn down the exhaust port at the right time.

One more bit of faulty logic here is the big one: Why did they have to fly down the trench?  The gun turrets on the surface were having a hard time hitting them already.  So much so that they decided to launch fighters of their own to go after the rebel ships.  And even inside the trench, the gun turrets were shooting at them, so there's no benefit in terms of evading turret fire.  In fact, staying in a trench instead of evasively maneuvering seems like a bad idea since the turrets have one path to shoot down to get you.  Why couldn't the rebel ships just fly to near the exhaust; point their ships pretty close to down the shaft; and let the computer guided missiles do their thing?  How did the Force help Luke at all in that situation?  What I think should have happened is that the exhaust port was also the area with the densest population of gun turrets, and no one was able to fly close enough to fire the missiles such that they wouldn't be shot down themselves.  Then Luke's connection to the Force supporting his piloting let's him be the only one that can get close enough without dying before getting the lock, and firing the missiles.

One final thing: Chewbacca should have gotten the medal with the others.  And that's it for my list of flaws for Episode 4.  At least what I can think of sitting here doing this typing.



Episode 5: Empire Strikes Back


We start out on Hoth.  Hmm... The only thing Hoth brings to mind is the inconsistency of shield technology in Star Wars.  They use force-fields to keep air in the hangars, but ships can fly through.  And then on Hoth, you have a shield that can deflect any bombardment, but walkers can get close to the generator and just shoot it.  I feel like more explanation is needed there.  But I'm guessing the ground-based shield was a bit like an umbrella that the space bound star destroyers couldn't shoot under.  And then for some reason, "ion cannons" ignore any shields the star destroyers might have had up, and disables them easily... but for some reason, the imperials couldn't shoot the generator with an ion cannon of their own to take down the shield?  So... there's a bit of the logical issues here.

The next piece in Episode 5 that has always bothered me is that I don't think that even today do I really understand what was supposed to be conveyed by Luke's experience in "the cave" on Dagobah during his Jedi training with Yoda.  Luke notices a sensation of cold coming from the cave that makes him very interested.  He straps on his weapon belt, and Yoda tells him he won't need the weapons, but Luke takes them anyway.  He walks into the cave, and sees Darth Vader.  He draws his lightsaber, and fight Darth Vader, and wins by cutting his head off.  But the face plate has been destroyed, and Luke sees his own face behind the mask.  Later, Yoda refers to the experience as Luke's failure at the cave.

I've read a lot of the extended universe material and a lot of fan theories; talked to friends; and really just thought about it for a long time.  Still, I don't have a satisfactory meaning behind that part of the story.  I have thought for a long time that maybe Luke's face being there was to suggest the familial relation before Darth Vader said something.  But then how is it a failure?  Was the meaning supposed to be that Luke brought weapons with him, and so only ended up hurting himself by choosing to fight?  What was Luke supposed to do?  If as Yoda suggested he hadn't brought his weapons, what would have happened?  Episode 5 is (as I understand it) widely considered the best of the original trilogy, but this scene hampers my enjoyment enough that it is not my favorite of the three.  I really like the rest of the training... but the experience with the cave is just confusing enough that it stands out as a problem in my mind.

Really the last thing that sticks out to me in Episode 5 is a timeline issue, sort of like Rogue One has.  Luke, Chewy, Han, and Leia all leave Hoth at the same time.  Luke jumps to hyperspace to go to Dagobah.  Depending on how far it is, it might take a day or two for Luke to get there.  Or if the movie does its inconsistent travel speed thing, maybe Luke is there in an hour.  Meanwhile, Chewy, Han, and Leia are dealing with a broken hyperdrive, and so spend some time evading the empire.  Not sure how much time... but maybe a few hours?  And then they spend some amount of time flying to Bespin to get help repairing the hyperdrive.  These are star systems that are lightyears apart, and it's reasonable for the Falcon to traverse that distance without a hyperdrive in a reasonable amount of time.  That part... yeah that part bothers me, but let's stick with the timeline issue, and assume their trip also takes a few days, since we don't have a lot to go on.

The Falcon reaches Bespin, and before Luke shows up, they convey to us what seems like maybe a couple days at most.  Maybe even as little as a few hours.    In total, depending on the indistinct travel time, I'll guess that the Falcon and crew spend about a week between leaving Hoth and when Luke meets back up with them at Bespin.  Now Luke is on Dagobah.  He's going through Jedi training, and they imply that the training is over a decent period of time including Yoda making meals, weather changing, different training exercises, and so on.  And they say that Luke is trained well enough after this period of time that he knows what he needs to know to use the Force well enough for his needs... which include facing freaking Darth Vader.  To me, that takes more than a week.  I'd guess months of training without breaks for anything but food and sleep.  But just based on what the movie shows, I'd guess Luke was with Yoda for three or four weeks.

My problem is that the timelines don't seem to match.  I think with a single line from Han when plotting a course to Bespin saying that the trip would take a few months without hyperdrive, but they would get there, would solve the problem.  I suppose this is more of a nitpick for me then.  And maybe I should go back to traveling between star systems without a drive that is the explanation for faster than light travel.  Without that hyperdrive, it should take years for Han, Leia, and Chewy to make it anywhere useful.



Episode 6: Return of the Jedi


This is currently my favorite of the original trilogy because it has the best scene in all of Star Wars in it accompanied by the brilliant music of John Williams.  I can't discount the possibility of new information or realizations, but the lightsaber fight between Luke Skywalker and his father Darth Vader might be as close to perfect as possible.  On top of having the best scene, there's not a lot I can complain about in this movie.  But the one complaint is pretty big I guess.

Ewoks are my big complaint.  When George Lucas started writing this story, his intention was to use wookiees as the primitive race that they found, and suddenly you have a ferocious band of super strong wookiees helping the rebels instead of barely mobile teddy bears that look like they're going to lose their balance when they walk.  I have a distinct memory of a scene when the storm troopers and ewoks are fighting where you can clearly see an arrow hit a storm trooper, and the arrow harmlessly bounces off the armor.  There's another scene where ewoks are dropping rocks on storm troopers who are armed with blasters.  All the storm troopers have to do as the rocks are bouncing off of them is run a few steps further away, turn around, and start picking off ewoks.  It doesn't make sense to me that the storm troopers would even be slowed down by ewoks.  The ewoks should have suffered 90% loss, and run away and hid.  That's it.

The stupid log trap where logs roll under the feet of the AT-ST, and for some reason it wobbles and collapses.  You can see it start to wobble before the logs even reach it.  It's crap.  The swinging log trap might work to crush an AT-ST, but when did the ewoks set that up near the imperial base without the imperials noticing?  And how perfect would their timing have to be to hit the AT-ST?  The trip line was the simplest that might have worked... if they had anchored the line to some trees instead of just holding on to the rope.

The ewoks were a dumb choice in my opinion.  What should they have done instead?  Leaned on existing background, and used the wookiees like they originally intended.  The existing background is that Han used to be an imperial officer, and he left the service because of the enslavement of alien species... he left while rescuing Chewbacca from slavery.  So, there's already precedent for the Empire using other species as slaves, including the wookiees.  And orbiting the lush green tall treed planet is the second Death Star project where they need huge amounts of labor.  Assembly camps on the moon putting together the parts that get ferried up to the Death Star.  So, wookiees can be used as the local force that the rebellion meets up with.  It becomes a liberation and a destruction using an awesome species that could actually handle fighting storm troopers.  I lament the missed opportunity on this one.



Episode 7: The Force Awakens


I've already written a whole blog post about this for Episode 7.  It's here: http://highdex.blogspot.com/2016/05/my-thoughts-on-star-wars-episode-7.html

That was written in May of 2016, and I've had time to think since then.  But really... most of what I complain about in that post is still true, and still my opinion.  So, I'll recap a little here, but you should read that separate post if you are reading through all this to understand my thinking on the Star Wars series of movies.

The single biggest problem with episode 7 is that it is a literal copy of Episode 4.  We have the young new Force sensitive hero stuck on a desert planet (Luke and Rey).  You have the swashbuckling anti-hero that doesn't want to be involved (Han and Finn).  You have the powerful fascist military organization as the bad guys (Empire and First Order).  You have the powerful dark side villain working for that organization (Darth Vader and Kylo Renn).  You have a droid carrying vital secret information that both sides desperately want (Death Star plans in R2-D2 and the Skywalker map in BB-8).  You have the heroes escaping the desert planet while being fired on by bad guys.  You have heroes going to the seedy bar to find help.  You have the Force sensitive hero inheriting a lightsaber.  You have a major character dying at the hands of the evil Force user (Obiwan dying at the hands of Vader, and Han dying at the hands of Ren).  You have the super weapon capable of destroying planets and the requisite rebel/resistance attack on it to destroy it.

The next big problem for me is that bizarre map that leads to Luke.  Who made that map?  Why is such a huge portion of the galaxy not identifiable by the part of the map they had?  Why is part of it stored in R2-D2?  Why is a map to a planet that Luke is on a path through space, instead of just coordinates for one system?  Why isn't it a jumbled path of lines between systems to suggest that someone is following clue to Luke's whereabouts?  Like if they knew he was searching for something, and knew where he started, maybe they had to follow the same clues, and kept finding places he'd been, I might get it... but then why is the destination already in R2-D2?  Why does the First Order have a part of the map in the archives?  The map is infuriatingly stupid.

My next huge problem with Episode 7 is that they destroyed the character of Han Solo.  I know Harrison Ford demanded that Han die this time around, and I'm totally okay with the character dying in the movie.  But the backstory they built for Han in the 30 years since the Battle of Endor ruins the character.  I'll say that I loved the scene where Han is telling the new kids that the Force is real.  I loved the writing they did for Han where he's trying to talk his way out of trouble, and where he's talking to Fin and Chewy when they first get to Star Killer Base... great writing for those lines.  But the backstory writing was awful.  Think back to Han in episodes 4 through 6, and you have possibly the best character growth of any character in Star Wars.  You start with a selfish greedy smuggler, and you get watch him grow into a guy that cares about others, and is willing to risk himself for others.  We get to see him fall in love with Leia.  And it's so much better done than the stupid love story between Anakin and Padme.  And now this much-loved character is a deadbeat husband.

How long does he not even try to communicate with his wife that he chased for years?  Maybe his son turning to the dark side was enough for him to run away, but that didn't make it a good thing.  That makes Han a piece of crap.  It's like the writers were trying to skewer the old characters.  Like they were rubbing in our faces that we couldn't stop them from destroying something we loved.  And there's no reason for Han's character or the major plot lines around him to have gone that way.  There was no reason at all to split up Han and Leia.  A much better story could have been written that got us to the same place of Han dying at his son's hands, without turning Han into a detestable person.  What a horrid frustrating piece of the story.

The next problem with Episode 7 is that it makes no sense that the galaxy after 30 years is still basically in the same position it was when the Empire was in power.  The First Order is an unchecked military power, and the rebels are still rebels.  They joke about it in Episode 8 where Leia says something about how it makes no sense that the people who are the legitimate government are still running around like they did when they were the rebellion.  And she's right.  Thirty YEARS.  And somehow the Empire/First-Order still command a huge military force and have resources enough to convert a planet into a weapon.  I just don't know how to justify that.  The First Order should be an upstart organization.  It should be the new threat.  And the rebels should have helped to create a new working republic with volunteer member systems, and so on.  The First Order should have to operate in secrecy, and barely have the resource to be a contender.  This part makes no sense.

The last important complaint I have with Episode 7 is Star Killer Base itself.  Not only does it complete the cycle of copying Episode 4's plot exactly, but how does it work?  It supposedly sucks power from a star until the star is out of power.  I have to sigh and feel disheartened at the writers for this one.  I know that the power to destroy a planet with the Death Stars was already a big stretch.  And I'm okay with the idea as a motivation in this setting to destroy the weapon.  But it's a step much too far for me to deal with to suggest that all the power of a star could be absorbed into a planet without destroying the planet.  We're talking about a ball of power that lasts billions of years.  BILLIONS of YEARS.  How are we supposed to accept that this is possible?  And, why isn't that technology used all over the place?  How could a ship ever need to be refueled?  Just put a star battery on the ship, and have it absorb sun power for about a minute, and then watch it go for centuries on the power it absorbed?  Why not just fit your fleet of star destroyers with these batteries, and some amped up weapons?  Maybe not destroying a whole planet, but wiping countries off the face of a planet, and you have dozens of these ships.  Even if one is destroyed, you still have more... instead of putting all your eggs in the maintenance nightmare of Starkiller Base.  I could ask that about the Death Stars too, but they tried those things, learned they were a bad idea, and then the First Order comes along and tries again.  It was a step too far, and I just can't stand Starkiller Base.

Okay that was more than a recap I guess.



Episode 8: The Last Jedi


The newest movie in the series, and the latest chronologically in the story.  I went in to watching this movie with hope.  Not as much as when the prequels came out and I had my blind excitement for something that would turn out to be heartbreakingly bad... but it was definitely hope.  It's not quite as much of a copy of Episode 5 as Episode 7 is of 4.  But it still shares the general theme of the Empire/First-Order accomplishing damage to the good guys.  I get that this is part of the larger arc, and that it's a good part of the story to make it seem like the good guys have something to worry about or there wouldn't be tension at the end of the story... but... after all the other copying, I'm just disappointed that they followed the same formula without any details that are real deviations.

Anyway, I've only seen this movie once so far.  My memory of it is not great yet.  So, this analysis might be less detailed.  I'll do my best.

The first thing I hated about this movie was the concept.  We have the Rebels fleeing their base, hoping to get away before the Empire gets there with their superior fire power.  The rebels get into space and make the hyperspace jump, thinking they got away.  The Empire has some new tracking thing, so they can follow, and bam, they're in the same situation as before... Empire is bearing down on them, and the rebels don't know how to get away.  And it's tenser because the rebels are running out of fuel.  Despite power technology that can absorb a freaking star, the ships are running out of fuel.  And these are ships that were presumably just fueled up on the surface of the planet that they were escaping.  The premise of the whole movie is that the Empire is chasing the Rebels while the Rebels are running out of fuel... and for some reason the rebels can stay just far enough ahead that only the longest-range weapons of the imperial ships can reach them... so the shields will hold just fine while we wait to see how they get out of this one.

Is that really the best that the writers could come up with?  I mean, let's forget that the Empire (not going to bother calling them the First Order anymore) is still the more powerful organization despite the rebels being part of the New Republic that's supposed to have been built up over the last 30 years... let's forget that this scenario shouldn't have happened at all.  But let's use the foundation of the power-balance situation they're in, and build a better story.

The movie opens to a control room for a resistance base somewhere and we see some resistance personnel chatting until a sensor warning goes off.  A wing of Imperial Star Destroyers pops into range from hyperspace, and closes distance to begin bombarding the planet and base.  The people in the base are shocked.  How did the Empire find them?  There was no intelligence traffic suggesting the Empire was anywhere near this system.  What is going on?  The base scrambles its defenses and manages to launch a few fighters but it's not anywhere near enough.  The base is getting pummeled and will be destroyed.  One of the guys on duty at the beginning has the presence of mind to send a message to let others know what happened.

The resistance main headquarters gets the message, and is worried about how the base was found.  They send a team (probably including Poe) to investigate, and while the investigation is getting under way, over the course of days, more of the satellite resistance bases get attacked and destroyed... all with messages saying the Star Destroyers just showed up without any warning and stared destroying everything.  The Resistance figures out that it's not just a one-off thing, and that the Empire seems to have a source of information or way of finding the bases quickly.  The movie becomes figuring out how they're finding the bases so easily and dealing with that, and in the end, the Empire finds the main headquarters, and the rebels have to flee.

We have our Empire Strikes Back theme where the bad guys are making some serious progress, and we didn't have to introduce the concept of running out of fuel, or of a tracking technology that works instantly through hyperspace.  We get the tension of "the resistance is being wiped out"; we get a way for Leia to be concerned from a control room; and we get lots of excuses to have space battles and/or ground battles as each base is found.  And we don't have to put up with the shaky explanation of running out of fuel as the ships remain at a safe distance for the whole movie.  The main premise of the movie was done with terrible writing.

Now to more of the detailed complaints.

Continuing the character assassination of the original trilogy characters, we get Luke and Leia being... broken.  I think broken is the right word.  Han was severely damaged as a character in Episode 7.  Luke is severely damage as a character in Episode 8.  And Leia is stuck being underused in Episode 8.  I'll start by focusing on Leia.

With the stupid "we're running from the Empire for the entire movie" plot, Leia is stuck on the ship she's on, and she doesn't get to really do anything.  What has she been up to the last 30 years?  Why didn't she train with Luke?  Where is her lightsaber?  Can we please see her use her power in a cool way?  No?  We get to see her get blown out of a space ship, and then fly herself back using the Force?  I just... Han, Luke, and Leia are the characters I want to see.  Anakin has died, so his story is over, but the three main characters were still alive.  I wanted to see the new characters introduced as part of the story around the old characters.  I don't like that what we got was the awesome characters I really care about playing little side roles.  Instead of bringing me back into the Star Wars Universe with the things I am desperate to see, I get bad writing for the main plot, and Leia is a completely unnecessary character that is so criminally underused in Episode 8.

The writers should have given Leia time to shine as a Jedi.  The movie shouldn't have been called "The Last Jedi".  Leia should have had a chance to take part in a battle that she got to affect the course of with her power.  And imagine the more poignant moment possible if she faced her son.  If Luke's backstory wasn't so messed up (which I'll get to), and we could have the moment with Leia and her son... Leia knowing he killed Han... his father... ugh... it could have been worthy of being called "epic".  But it wasn't.  And now Carrie Fisher is gone from us.  She passed away in reality.  Her last gift as an actress... the last inclusion of Princess Leia in a story and setting that means so much to so many of us, and Leia is a secondary character who's one shining moment was a goofy one that can be summed up as "Hey I survived being sucked into space".

Yeah, I wanted the new movies to be about the old characters, and the story of them passing the torch to the new characters.  Not the new characters and the old characters just sort of incidentally show up in the story.  My big problem with the handling of Leia in Episode 8 is that the handling sucked, and the situation never gave her a real chance to shine.

Now on to Luke.  He suffers the same problem as Leia, but to a lesser degree.  He IS part of the main story, but he's still a side character.  He has the one scene at the end where he's awesome, but then he dies... from over-exertion?  Through the whole movie he's going through his own personal growth as he decides to get back involved.  That part I liked well enough... but the character I followed and wanted to see more of was used as a sort of weak foolish underpinning for the Kylo Ren story, and then he dies.  That's not what I wanted to see for Luke Skywalker.  This is the Jedi who redeemed the much-feared Darth Vader, and saved the rebellion against the empire.  I don't mind that he screwed up with Kylo to explain him, but the 30 years of Luke founding a new Jedi Order, and building up a legacy... I wanted to see Luke do more.  I wanted him to not die at the end of this.  I want the writers to stop killing off the characters that shouldn't be killed off yet.  I understand Han dying.  But it's not Luke's time yet.  And I'm angry at the writers for screwing this up so badly.

Notice I've only talked about the main plot, and the two characters I wanted to have the story focus on so far.  We still have Rey, Finn, and Poe to talk about.  And Snoke.  And Kylo.  Hmm...

Poe.  I actually liked Poe's part in this one.  This is one of the few things I think the writers did well.  The brash pilot choosing to go for the prize he can see, that results in the deaths of a bunch of his fellow resistance people, even if he succeeded in his goal, was an excellent foundation for Poe starting to learn a lesson in patience.  I like that he did things I want the hero of a story to do, but then each time learned a little more about what it means to decide things with your allies' lives on the line.  He learned more about the burden of leadership.  I liked seeing that arc.  But while most of the writing around that was okay, the last bit where the acting leader just didn't tell him... expected him to follow orders that seemed wrong without question seemed off.  It's a few hundred people working together, and being the kind of leader that jumps into a role, and immediately expects loyalty from everyone without any history to draw on together... seems stupid.  That's a nitpick though.  I don't consider Poe’s arc to be an overall flaw.

Finn.  I like his character... but he was entirely unnecessary to the story too.  We didn't need any of the bit about going to the casino to find a code breaker.  It was a heavy-handed commentary on the lack of morals in business.  I agree with the commentary... but why was it part of my escapist adventure story?  Entirely useless to the story.  They could have left Finn in medical recovery for the whole movie and it wouldn't have really mattered.

Rey and Kylo... I can't decide what I think of their conversations via the Force.  But I guess the question of whether they could like and respect each other was okay.  I also don't know if I like Rey being unrelated to anyone from before.  Just a random person that coincidentally went through the same basic situation that Luke did but on a different desert planet... I don't know.

Before I saw Episode 8 and there was still mystery about Rey... I had my own hypothesis that took some cues from the Extended Universe stuff.  In the extended universe books, Luke gets married to Mara Jade.  He has a wife.  So, I imagined that the writers for the movie might use some of the ideas that readers liked, and I imagined that in this story Luke also got married, and had kids.  And in this scenario, Rey would be probably 7 to 10 years younger than Ben Solo.  I imagined Luke and Mara running the new Jedi Academy, and Ben Solo is much farther along than Rey who as a young child is learning the basics.  Ben falls to the dark side when Rey is as old as she was when she got dropped off on her desert planet... and he and his Knight of Ren (whatever that is) surprise the Jedi Order with a betrayal.  Luke and Mara decide that to protect Rey (their daughter), they'll hide her somewhere until the Knights of Ren can be dealt with.  Mara takes off with Rey in a fast ship and successfully delivers her, without Luke knowing where she'll be.  Mara gets intercepted on the way back, and gets killed by Kylo Ren.  So, the Jedi order is falling apart, and Luke doesn't know where his daughter is.

People outside the order don't really know what's going on, but Luke doesn't have a chance to explain a lot.  He goes into hiding to protect places he might go from being attacked by the Knights of Ren and the new organization: The First Order.  And in hiding, he begins searching for his daughter who is just waiting for him to find her.  But in the first movie she gets swept up onto a path that leads her right to him.

I figured in such a scenario, Rey suppressed the memory as traumatic.  And maybe Kylo sort of recognizes her, but isn't sure because he didn't pay a lot of attention to his cousin before.

Instead of that, we get the writers telling us that Kylo at least is trying to make Rey believe she's from no one in particular.  I don't know what I think of that.  I think I prefer my idea.

But back to what the movie actually did, and Snoke.  Snoke is an odd character for me.  Where did he come from?  Who is he?  How does he know so much about the Force?  What are the Knights of Ren and why don't they exist in any of the history?  A lot of interesting things could be done with Snoke.  But I feel like they didn't bother.  I mean... the scene where Kylo kills him is pretty cool.  But the character of Snoke could have been much deeper and very interesting.  I still want an explanation, but I feel like we're not getting one because he was a throw away character.

In total, I'm left feeling like the movie was a bad addition to the Star Wars Universe.  The main plot was much too contrived and could have been better written; The side bits were not impressive; The writers failed in a miserable way to use the original trilogy characters in a good way; They failed to use the new characters in a good way; And I think the only scene I really enjoyed was the new Force trick Luke used to project himself to the other planet.  I enjoyed his face off with the imperial walkers and Kylo.  I liked his apologizing to Kylo.  And I thought it was horrendously stupid that just as Luke finds his way back to participating, he dies of exhaustion.  I'm disappointed and saddened.

Conclusion


I feel now like it's glaringly obvious that the flaws in the fundamental writing of the new movies (episodes 1, 2, 3, 7, and 8) are at a level far beyond the flaws from the original trilogy.  I admit the original trilogy had some pretty big flaws, but none of them broke my ability to enjoy the movie.  Episodes 1, 2, 3, 7, and 8 all have flaws that just blow my mind in a bad way.  And none of them has a scene that blows my mind in a good way.

To continue that thought...

Episode 4 has the trench run at the end.  I pointed out logical flaws in that scene, but the emotional content of the scene is pure excellence.  I lean forward; my eyes go wide; my heart rate increases; and I am completely engrossed in that scene every time it happens, even though it has flaws, and even though I've seen it dozens of times.

Episode 5 has moments like Han wasting no time and firing on Darth Vader the moment they see each other.  It's an incredible character moment that I love.  It also has the excellent lightsaber fight between Luke and Vader.  You can see the inexperience and brashness of Luke.  You can see Vader toying with Luke.  You can see the progression as Luke starts to realize he's not a match for Vader.  And you get the wonderful moment of Vader telling Luke who he really is.

And Episode 6 has the lightsaber fight between Luke and his father that is in my opinion the best scene in all the Star Wars movies.  The emotion so well portrayed in that fight... with Luke losing control at the fear of his sister being in danger... I love that scene so much it's hard to convey.  It brings me to tears.

If we switch to peak scenes of the other movies... only Rogue One has scenes that come close.  Episode 1's most probable choice is the lightsaber fight between Darth Maul and the two Jedi... but that scene doesn't have any emotional content for the viewer.  No one cares about the death of Quigon because he's a crappy character that isn't useful to the series.  And even the choreography gets terrible at the point where Obiwan jumps over Maul protected only by his plot armor.  I go into more detail about why that fight sucks in my post about all the lightsaber fights in the movies up to episode 7:
http://highdex.blogspot.com/2016/12/star-wars-lightsaber-duel-scenes-review.html

Episode 2's most probable choice for peak scene is the lightsaber fight that starts with Obiwan and Anakin versus Dooku, and transitions to Yoda versus Dooku... but while I appreciate what they convey for Obiwan and Anakin, the bit with Yoda is just wrong.  You can read more about that in the same post I linked above.

Episode 3's most probable choice for peak scene is the lightsaber fight between Obiwan and Anakin... and that's terrible.  Again... see the appraisal in my above linked blog post about the lightsaber fights in episodes 1 to 7.

Episode 7's most probable choice for peak scene is... hmm... uh... the lightsaber fight between Rey and Kylo Ren?  Hmm... yeah I don't know.  I guess it's the lightsaber fight.  Maybe Han's death?  But I kind of hate the scene of Han's death because Han is stupid in it.  I'm totally fine with, and supportive of Han dying in that movie.  I just didn't want it to be such a pathetic moment.  Oh wait... potentially my favorite part of Episode 7 is when Chewbacca goes into beast mode because his best friend just died.  Chewy shoots Kylo, tears through gobs of storm troopers that don't stand a chance, and then blows a hole in the building so the fighters can get at the juicy bits.  Okay... Episode 7 has one emotionally stirring scene that's pretty good.  And I've said that I don't hate 7 & 8 like I hate the prequels... but to me 7 still didn't make it up to the bar of the original trilogy... primarily I think because of how it ruined Han's character before killing him.

Episode 8's most probable choice for peak scene is Luke's stand against the walkers and Kylo.  Very cool scene.  But the rest of the movie has no real benefit, and just as Luke is getting back into the action he dies?  What a stupid choice by the writers.  The new Star Wars stories shouldn't treat the original characters as garbage to be thrown away like they did.  They're the main characters.  They should have been used to introduce the new characters, and treated with respect.  Instead we get a disconnected introduction to new characters with the main characters being side characters who are mistreated.  Luke has his one cool scene, but Episode 8 is really bad.  Not as bad as the prequels... but... still really bad.

And so my conclusion is that it's not a matter of nostalgia or child-like innocence versus adult jadedness.  My conclusion is that it's the awful writing for the new movies.  And Rogue One is actually an indicator to me that it's not nostalgia and innocence.  It's one of the new movies, and includes Darth Vader.  It has some big flaws that I point out... but I still like that movie more than I like 7 & 8, and a lot more than the prequels.