Love and Confusion

Surprise... Surprise... I've been single for a long time. I'm a computer programmer with hermit tendancies. Doesn't change that I feel like I want a relationship. I've known that for a long time, but my own propensities get in the way. Logically, it seems simple to make a change and do something about it. Emotionally... well I tend to feel nervous, and no amount of logic has succeeded in ridding me of that feeling.

I went to a gaming convention in Indianapolis recently. GenCon is a huge gaming convention with a big vendor floor that sells all sorts of gaming related products. There was a trading card booth that hired a "booth babe" to draw the attention of geeks like me. It worked to some degree on me, except the product they were selling wasn't something I was interested in. The girl working the booth however, was something I was very interested in. Of course, she probably got plenty of attention from guys there, so all I ended up doing was asking if I could get my picture with her.

She's obviously beautiful. Mind numbingly so. I keep looking at the picture. And I kick myself for not buying something, finding out her name, saying SOMETHING... anything that might mean I'd have a way to talk to her again. See, not only is she beautiful, but she was nice and intelligent. I did talk to her for a bit, and she was leading the conversation to help me with my nervousness. She spoke clearly and knew what to say to bring the conversation along. And I was my usual useless self.

So I am interested in her, but the picture does something more to me. I look at it, and I see two people that look happy together. I know we're not "together". And I know it's unlikely I'll ever meet her again, but I see myself standing there next to a beautiful, intelligent, kind girl who is smiling with an arm around me... and it really forces me to think about how I want that. I really want to be a person that makes some great girl happy. I really want a relationship. And the picture gives me a glimpse... a moment in life... that shows me what it could be like. A picture can be a powerful thing.

I'm going to post this blog. But I'm starting to think I'm just going to start complaining if I keep typing.