Review: Star Wars Episode 8... again.

I can't help it.  Some friends still seem to think Star Wars episode 8 is a good movie, and Rian Johnson still hasn't been punished for his abuse of the Star Wars universe.

I'm also heavily emotionally invested in Star Wars, so the transgressions affect me emotionally... and writing about it is difficult to do without the emotion being part of it.  I'll try again to make points that are valid despite being conveyed with vitriol of the filth that is Star Wars Episode 8.

I'd like to point out at the beginning though that I like the new characters just fine.  Notably, I like Rey, Finn, Poe, and Kylo.  And I think all the actors did fine jobs with the script they were given.  I think some of the writing for scenes was pretty good (more in episode 7 than 8, but 8 has a couple bits of decent scene writing too).  My problems with Episode 8 are around everything else.

So, I'll start with a bullet list of the flaws with Episode 8, hoping that I can keep emotion out of it...

• Backbone of the movie is the slow chase based on writer's shortcuts to force a situation, and which keeps most of the main characters in very limited spaces.
• writer short cut: running out of fuel
• writer short cut: new sensor that can follow through hyperspace
• The slow chase is boring.
• Leia is under used, and her most spectacular moment is surviving being blown into space which leaves her out of too big a chunk of the movie.
• Finn's role is to come up with a stupid plan, get part way through the plan, and fail horribly.  This is a huge waste of precious movie time.
• The casino world is a commentary on the immorality of business.  I agree with the point, but it should have no place in my space adventure story that is supposed to be about character growth.
• Poe's comedy at the beginning of the movie shouldn't be there.
• Luke was the most optimistic person in the whole galaxy.  He knew his father could be redeemed despite Vader killing a lot of people for no good reason.  Luke had hope for one of the two most evil people in the galaxy.  But for some reason, he thinks it might be a good idea to kill his nephew because he's got a bad feeling about him going bad.  Stupid writing.
• Episode 7 set up a little for us about the history over the past 30 years since Return of the Jedi, in the separation of Han and Leia along with Kylo going to the Dark Side; in Snoke and the Knights of Ren; and in Rey with her mystery past with hints that her parents would be interesting.  Episode 8 chose to break all of it and give us a trite statement that you don't have to be a Skywalker to be the protagonist.  They could have done that from the beginning, but instead we got: Here's an exciting mystery!  Oh wait... no...
• The main characters of the new movies are Poe, Finn, Rey, and Kylo.  Poe has the most interesting arc where he learns the burden of leadership and Leia hands him the reins at the end.  Finn has the most useless story arc... it adds nothing to the story and is too dumb to be a story of its own that is worth seeing.  Rey and Kylo are the Force users that are the heart of the story since this is a numbered episode that is meant to be the Skywalker story (and Kylo is from the Skywalker line).  But their back and forth that is about an event that is poorly written about Luke being exactly the opposite of what his character is supposed to be is boring.  Rey makes some effort to get training from Luke.  Kylo thinks everyone should die because he's emotionally hurt.  And we find out that Rey and Kylo can't reconcile their beliefs.  Holy crap I'm bored.  Empire Strikes back had intrigue around Lando's loyalties; excitement around the two Force users battling; finding out Vader is Luke's father; and the bad guys come out on top.  Episode 8 has this wishy-washy back and forth that just failed to grab my interest.
• Snoke is killed off as an obstacle for Kylo to overcome.  He just dies.  One of the interesting things that Episode 7 set up is just brushed away.  WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST THIRTY YEARS?!
• Speaking of what happened in the last thirty years... why is the Empire/First Order still in charge?  Why is the Rebellion still a resistance?  Thirty freaking years after the FALL OF THE EMPIRE and what we get is that NOTHING CHANGED.  Not even the main characters from the original trilogy changed.  Luke is pulling his pud in a remote location.  Han and Chewie are back to smuggling (way to destroy more character growth).  And Leia is back to helping lead the Rebellion/Resistance.  Why has nothing changed? (admittedly this is probably more of a complaint for Episode 7).
• The galaxy has had hypserspace technology for thousands of years.  And yet, this is the first time anyone has thought to jump to hyperspace into an enemy fleet that is much larger than your one ship, destroying ALL of them.  Lazy writing at its worst.  Johnson wrote himself into a corner.  And he just made something up that fundamentally changes the setting... again.  Running out of fuel immediately after take off; new sensor to follow through hyperspace; and hyperspace attacks that would have been weaponized thousands of years ago if that was a thing.  I suppose it's similar in offensiveness to a weapon that eats a whole star with billions of years worth of fuel to shoot planets lightyears away... with no indication of how it can store that energy without vaporizing and no indication of how it then moves to another star.  I hate the writers for episodes 7 and 8.
• Rose's declaration that love is how we win right after nearly killing herself and Finn in order to allow the giant gun to fire at their friends is dumb writing.  In that situation in reality, both would have died due to the collision in those rickety speeders, and the huge battering ram gun would have killed most of the resistance behind those doors.  It's a nice message, but poorly conveyed.  Hell... if those things had some kind of ejection seat... they could have just let Finn have a win... just one win for the movie.  Skip the message of love and give us our adventure story!
• Someone should have shot BB-8 when he was piloting that walker.  The convenience of tearing off the head so we can see BB-8 is dumb.  Just show him getting in (however he managed that), and then Finn and Rose are excited they're not dying.
• Phasma has armor that works.  Wait... paying for a ridiculous number of clone troopers, and then the First Order switches to abducting and brainwashing people which are all expensive and time consuming processes, only to give them crappy gear that doesn't work, and the reason is what?  It can't be that better gear isn't available... Phasma has it.  Is she the only soldier worth protecting?  What?!
• Luke dies because he's tired.  He's only in his early 50s in this movie.  It's not like he's already on death's door.  Why did exhaustion make him die?  Why choose that as the writer?  So he can be a Force Ghost in the next episode?  I understand passing the torch to the new characters... but that was needlessly wasteful.  It didn't make the story better.  It just makes me confused.
• If the Resistance has hyperspace capable vehicles that Finn and Rose can steal to go on their stupid adventure, and the Empire 2 ignores it entirely... why aren't more of them doing that to try other plans?  If they think they can get a message out to friends that might help... why not send someone the moment you realized that the Empire 2 can track you through hyperspace?  Why not send people to get a fuel truck to buy some more time?  Why not transfer people from support ships to the main ship with shuttles, and then hyperspace jump one of the support vessels into the enemy fleet which we already know now works as a ridiculous weapon?  Why not ferry people a few at a time to a safe location that the Empire 2 isn't bothering to track and get the bulk of your people to safety until the Empire 2 realizes what's happening?
• On the other side... with three fighters including the ship Kylo Ren was in, they destroyed the bridge of the main rebellion 2 ship, and destroyed the fighter hangar.  They were pulled back because the big ships couldn't catch up to give support?  What support did they need?  They were winning easily?  The three fighters could have just destroyed the rebellion 2 ships and the movie would be over... except Rey and Kylo have their odd pointless thing to get through.
• The movie doesn't draw on the setting and what has happened already.  Both 7 and 8 neglect the original trilogy characters, and especially in 8, ignore the setting and what makes it great.  Maybe Rian Johnson's story could have been told on its own in another setting and turn out to be a good story.  I know he's capable of a fun movie.  I liked Looper.  It was a fun movie.  But he came in and tried to wrench the Star Wars setting into something it's not, and pissed me off in the process.

I'm sorry I can't leave the emotion out of it.  But I think I'm making reasonable points about why Episode 8 is terrible.  And no one I've heard claiming the movie is good writing has made any counter points.  One friend even told me he studied this kind of thing for college with his theater degree so he knows more about it than I do, and in kinder words basically told me to shut up.  Some have tried to say that the stuff they did with Luke was actually good, but no one has explained any reasoning behind that thinking.  I had a friend try to say it fits with the monomyth, but that argument fails because it assumes that being part of the monomyth makes it good, and also that it's the only way to make something good.

It feels like I'm making comments to support my assertion that Episode 8 is bad and then they're being dismissed without anything to help me understand why I'm being dismissed.  I think that's probably why I keep writing these reviews about Episode 8.  I want to communicate, and then I either want to understand why anyone who claims to be a fan of Star Wars might like Episode 8, or I'd like someone to admit that Episode 8 is actually bad (at least not good).

Alright... I've vented enough for now I guess.